leaking crazy

split personalities

2010-07-06T19:17:00.003+07:00

i've returned home. sort of. i've gone back to wordpress. back to transplantingme.com. part of it is i like wordpress better, and part of it is there's lots of history at transplantingme.

but... i'm not totally leaving here. just refocusing. i've still got plenty of crazy to leak.

potluck - the fourth of july kind

2010-07-05T00:02:00.002+07:00

it's monday and time once again to join in on holly's potluck.

yesterday we went to the local vfw 4th of july celebration. our cost of admission - 1000฿ or $30 for 3 of us - included all you can eat bbq - real beef hot dogs (thai hotdogs are nasty and made out of questionable ~~meat~~ product), ribs, burgers, potato salad, onion rings, etc... now in order to get our "free" bbq we - and by we i mean me - had to stand in a really, really long line.

they came up with a way to fix the waiting in an unbearably long line problem. and it involved making four separate lines. and those of us who'd made it to the very, very front and had plate in hand and even had managed to get a hotdog on that plate were sent shuffling. and ended up at the tail end of one of those four separate lines. where we got to wait 2 more hours for 1 rib. 1 single rib. the end. except, when i went to get in the new and improved rib line #3 ate the hot dog.

chronic fatigue syndrome. when i entered the symptoms sore feet and sweating dr. google diagnosed me with chronic fatigue syndrome. and, after today, this one seems close. but i think leaving off the chronic and the syndrome part would be a more accurate diagnosis.

i'm taking some liberties here... instead of what's in my fruit bowl, i'm gonna tell you about some of the fruity things we saw at our thai-influenced 4th of july celebration.

and we're back

2010-06-24T13:00:00.003+07:00

our internet has been down for what seems like an eternity. and it took twice that long to get someone out to the house to fix it. they're diagnosis - we pay for 8mb speed and only 2mb speed is available in our neighborhood. so we jammed up the line. it took several months for the line to jam up, but finally it happened. and for days i called the adsl hotline. and chose to push 2 for english. because my techno thai isn't all that. and then i was put on hold. ~~for just a second~~ until i was disconnected. we did make a few trips out of the house for necessities and the like. and on one of those trips we made our way to the tot office. where they promised our internet would be up in 1 hour and in our 2 1/2 years here we've come to understand that 1 hour means they're not gonna do anything. which is exactly what happened.

and then i made a break through. i chose to push 1 for thai. and i listened closely. and managed to get through the thai language gauntlet and talk to a real live person. who spoke no english. but i persevered and got the promise of a technician coming to the house. and when that didn't happen the kids and i visited a different tot office. and i talked to the right person this time. because she told me the adsl hotline secret - for when we have another problem. and she also got me in touch with a technician. who appeared at our house this morning. and fixed our internet. after clearing out the clogged up lines. i guess 6mb of extra speed over several months makes quite the mess.

synchronized swimming or something like it. maybe.

2010-06-16T17:37:00.009+07:00

last week we went for a family swim. all five us. which is practically unheard of.

one of us is ~~a total stick in the mud~~ totally unimpressed.

it's a good time of year to be swimming. because the thai schools are in session - which means we had the pool to ourselves. and when we've got the pool to ourselves we discover our children have a hidden talent. at least the two that aren't ~~a total stick in the mud~~ totally unimpressed.

opening with a wai - how very thai of them.

peace to all.

stop.

go there.

we said stop.

preparing for the grand finale.

the end. you may now applaud.

they spent minutes working hard on this. and had to stop and restart about a gajillion times to get it perfect. in the end it was totally worthy of two thumbs up.

turns out #1 does have a special talent after all.

naked no more

2010-06-15T10:05:00.004+07:00

saturday morning i got my braces off. and my mouth felt weird. odd. naked. good.

i left the orthodontist office with freshly clean teeth and set out in search of sticky candy, popcorn and peanuts. the things i wasn't supposed to eat, but now could. (okay, so i totally ate popcorn and peanuts with the braces on, but always felt a little naughty doing it. now i could do it with a clear conscience.)

sunday i had a lovely anniversary dinner with the man. made all the more romantic because i wasn't having to dig food out of my braces and make sucking sounds and all that stuff that's really attractive. and then we saw a movie. killers - i enjoyed it, the man didn't so much. but i had more popcorn. cuz i could.

monday i had a great lunch with some great girlfriends (see, i am making progress) and headed home to pick up #2 so i could get to my follow up appointment and #2 could get her braces adjusted. my follow up appointment included getting my retainers. and being the thorough person that i am, i had no idea of what instructions might come with my retainers. like the one that goes wear them 24/7 for 6 months. and after 6 months wear them every night and every other day. and after that. wear them every night for the rest of my life. and i'm fairly certain that the ones made for me are made out of like 7 guage wire. because they are big. i remember making retainers out of paper clips when i was in elementary school - because i thought they were so cool and i had to have me some. turns out, i was wrong.

potluck - making up for lost time

2010-06-14T09:54:00.011+07:00

i know, i'd just gotten on board the potluck bandwagon when i got derailed. (do bandwagon's get derailed?) but i'm back. ~~bigger and better~~ and more (or less) random than ever. and with fewer buttons. because i'm just that lazy.

so, what's in my fruit bowl? nothing. but it is a brand new fruit bowl that the man brought back from the philippines. i'm still trying to decide just how i feel about it.

the man and i just celebrated our 18th anniversary. and look what he got me. it's sort of awesome. and i am hang it outside our bathroom.

this was given to the man. it was a thank you gift for the time he spent teaching in the philippines. i haven't yet figured out where we're gonna build the shrine to the man. so this hasn't found it's permanent home.

does she feel as bad as she looks? probably worse. in the past week she's been diagnosed with a displaced patella. she's been spayed. she's been groomed. she's been run over by a motorcy. both wheels. whomp. whomp. right over her torso. we're still not 100% sure of how she's doin'. we think okay. but we're observing her at home for a few more days. and if things don't turn around they'll be observing her at the animal hospital.

since i live in a cross cultural setting i've determined that the word i choose each week (or each week that i choose a word) will be a word not normal to the american venacular. this week it will be....

gutted

adjective: upset, disappointed. British slang.

and remember, this is a blog hop. anyone can join.

up and down and up and down

2010-06-10T06:00:00.000+07:00

the week before school got out i found a righteous deal on the one thing every adult wishes they'd had as a kid. (i could be projecting what i wanted on to every other adult in the world, but i don't think so.) i bought a ~~used~~ new-to-us trampoline! which involved the man making a trip to the american consulate (cuz i bought it from a consulate family) to disassemble it. just so happens the grounds of the consulate are a no picture zone, and since ~~they took the camera (and his cell phone) away from the man when he entered the compound~~ we're such great American citizens we've got no before the man put a finger on it pictures.

but we do have pictures of the putting back together of the trampoline.

the beginning of a man trap - ha, ha. i crack myself up.

up until now it was easy going. but the actual trampoline part. hard work.

i'm not exactly sure why i was on the trampoline, but this is a picture of the man and #1
encouraging me to dismount the trampoline by doing a forward flip. it didn't work so well.
this is as forward as my flip got.

the safety net. which, on his very first jump, #1 managed to slightly destroy.

the kids and a few friends wasted no time at all breaking it in.

alive and kicking

2010-06-09T19:06:00.007+07:00

i am alive and i am well. i'm not taking a personal summer break. the comments and emails asking about me made me feel good. and missed. and that's a really nice feeling. so thank you everyone who inquired. thanks bunches and bunches.

so, what has been up with me? not much. no good excuse for the absence other than i feel sort of like she looks -

she's looking miserable because she was spayed today. i don't have any such excuse.

what's caused me to take this little dip into the summer doldrums? well, i haven't put this into words, because i'm really, really, really trying to be okay with it. but the man and #1 are headed to the states this summer - for a month. the rest of us are staying here. in thailand. the place where we can't buy bras or shoes - both of which i'm in desperate need. (thank God for the internet and the man's willingness to haul my intimate wear back with him.) i've planned a beach vacay for the rest of us - where i'm sure we'll have a great time, but this little get away doesn't happen until the very last week that the men are in the states. so it's still a long haul between now and then. thankfully, the man is in town until they leave. he'll be doing some work for the thai office, but he'll be home every night and weekend (all 2 of them - which is better than none.)

and it seems the rainy season is trying really hard to become official. we've had several days of rain and some lovely cool nights. (75 degrees - that's frigid!) i've actually been sleeping with a blanket. it's very possible that a few nights of not going to bed in wet pajamas will make me a much happier camper.

school's out for summer... wait, no it's not

2010-05-27T20:22:00.006+07:00

there are three and one-half days of school left. but, as we all know, they are fake days. days that have to happen because the school year has to end, but grades have already been turned in so any work that's done isn't gonna be graded. which drives me bonkers. i hate busy work. hate it. with a passion.

but, to be fair, it is all over for #1. he had his last final today and only needs to return to school to retrieve his final report card. #2 is left with only field trips. 3 days of field trips and one half day of p.a.r.t.y. and it's nice to see that their teachers are not propagating the the-last-week-of-school-is-a-real-week-of-school lie. but for #3, the lie lives. he's got a regular ol' week coming up. with "maybe a few quizzes" (so he says). but, i'm starting to think that maybe #3 has it all figured out.

seems they were only looking for some kindlin' to start a good marshmallow roasting fire.
good cover story, don't ya think?

lost my appetite

2010-05-26T12:21:00.007+07:00

a few weeks ago, for the happiness project, i posted a picture of the koi in our pond. because i liked them. they made me happy. (notice the past tense.)

well, on monday, i'd been out gallivanting around and when i came home i discovered our house help's husband had gotten all industrious. he'd decided the pond needed a good cleaning out and maybe a paint job. he had the fish in a big trash can where they seemed to be happy. and i had assumed (yes, assumed. i know. and now i have an answer for when someone asks, "you know what happens when you assume, don't you?" well, yes, yes i do. fish die.) that the water in the trash can was the water from the pond. but turns out it was fresh water straight from the tap. chlorinated water. deadly water. (but that discovery comes later. and isn't made by me.) so p'khao (the husband) asks what color would i like for the pond to be painted - he's leaning towards blue. how would i feel about blue?

i'm not a huge fan of blue. and this particular shade of blue doesn't strike me as pond friendly. so i suggest white. he asks me several time if i'm sure that i want white and every time i say yes, i'm sure. white is what i want. white, white, white. only, i wasn't saying white. (it's an easy mistake, they are close in sound and i was feeling pressured.) so off p'khao went in search of the paint i'd asked for. only he wasn't sure i was right about this color choice, so he made an executive decision. (which is something i'm not so sure the hired help should feel so comfortable doing, but in this case, it was a very, very good thing.) and chose a very nice teal-y blue. he got the pond about half way painted on monday. so the fish were left in the trash can for the night.

the next morning (yes, this is when the discovery happens) #2 and #3 wander out to check on the fish. and they make the discovery that the fish, they are dead. tragic thing to come upon before you've made it out the door to school. i'm not home on tuesday to see p'khao or p'jim, so no discussion about the fish happens. but today there are big apologies. and heart felt don't-worry-about-its all around. i assure them that i hold no ill will. that it really is okay. and it takes me a bit to convince them to not replace the fish. that the kids want to go pick out new ones.

and so, as they are leaving. they bring me a special lunch. a we-feel-so-bad-we-killed-your-fish-and-we-want-to-do-what-we-can-to-make-it-up-to-you special kind of lunch.

i haven't been able to eat it. i'm thinking of saving it and serving it to the kids for dinner tonight.

lost that lovin' feelin'

2010-05-26T00:01:00.002+07:00

when we first moved to thailand thailand loved me. big pink puffy heart loved me. and it showed me the love in the most amazing way. not with diamonds nor chocolates nor any of those frivolous things. nope thailand showed me it's love with weightloss. without dieting, without excercise, without even thinking about it. the weight came off. lots of weight. and it was amazing! absolutely amazing.

but alas.

it seems the honeymoon is over. thailand no longer loves me like it used to. and apparently thailand is no longer interested in making the effort. and the weight. well, as they say, what comes down must go up - or something like that. since i've noticed the lack of attention i've been getting from thailand i've turned up the charm. i've done all that i can think of to woo thailand back. (and i have no idea how you woo an entire country, but i've given it my best.) i know that thailand has had some distractions. what with protests and riots and being on the brink of civil war and all. but it's been several days since they broke up the shindig in bangkok, so i've come to the conclusion that this relationship is over. and i'm gonna have to stand on my own two feet and do something myself. (that is if i want something done.)

i'm working on a plan. a plan that i'm certain will involve several steps. the first one is to quit drinking cokes. not too painful. the second one will be to work out. for real. and who knows what steps might follow. we'll see. but please, thailand, can you try to love me just a little. i don't know how much love it will take for

give up pretty, fancy coffees

to not be one of the steps. but for all that is good and right. please. i'm begging. have a little mercy.

the happiness project #5

2010-05-25T00:05:00.001+07:00

the rules:

simply post a photo of something that makes you wildly happy.

favorite color - orange. favorite flower - gerbera daisy.

.

that time of year

2010-05-24T01:15:00.002+07:00

i know not long ago i posted about my general friend making suckiness, but i've taken steps - or maybe it's better worded to say others have taken steps - to help me make progress in friend making endeavors. and it's good. and i'm in a much better place. but you know how it goes, for every two steps forward you take one step back. over the next few weeks it's gonna begin to feel like i live in a ghost town. and we're part of the skeleton crew that's to be left behind. (which could possibly mean that friend making will go easier. options are limited and my hand waving high in the air while i squeal "pick me, pick me" won't be so easy to ignore.)

school break is upon us and it's time for furloughs and home visits. and then the summer will drag. 3 of #3's closest friends are going to be going. one for good, one for 6 months and one for 8 weeks. #2's closest friend will be gone for 8 weeks. i haven't heard what's going on with #1's friends, but seeing as how many of his friends are thai, it's possible he'll have a few more options. the thai schools just started their term, so there are no summer activities to be had. no camps. no summer movie spectaculars. not even vacation bible school this year.

midway through the break #1 and the man will head to the states for a month. which is good and bad. good because it means we can stock up on a few necessities - like shoes to replace the shoes that one of the dogs has eaten. and bad because there will be the jealous feelings of those of us who aren't headed to the states.

but for now, we've just got to get through the next 7 1/2 days of school. (there's a holiday thrown in there, because there's no way we could make it to the end without some kind of break.) actually, it's only 7 1/2 school days for #3. for #2 it's 4 days of school and 3 days of field trips. and for #1 it's 4 days of testing and then he's done.

like a two year old

2010-05-20T21:15:00.004+07:00

so, i'm thinking that yesterday the red shirts were throwing a temper tantrum. because today has been quiet. we're still under curfew, but no bam-bam-bangs to be heard. i can smell something burning nearby and traffic is being diverted through our neighborhood from the main road closest to us. thai schools are closed tomorrow, but our kids' school will be open. i think it's easier to make decisions to close campus when it's the first week of school - which is what it is for the thai kids. finals week is next week for our kids and it's difficult to miss days. #3's class has a field trip tomorrow. i'm not sure how i feel about that. it's probably perfectly safe, but i'm still a little nervous about it.

i'm trying not to be all worst case scenario and alarmist, but it's hard to not play what if. i'm praying that the worst is over, but i've read reports and heard people say that it's only really just begun.

photos from this evening

2010-05-19T23:42:00.010+07:00

don't worry, i didn't actually take any of these. if by take you mean leave my house with my camera. but, if you mean to take what isn't yours - then i definitely took these. but i asked.

all these photos were taken within a mile of our house

more than just a bit worried

2010-05-19T17:01:00.008+07:00

as i headed to the school to pick up my kids this afternoon i had several thai neighbors tell me to "get my kids and get home. those are guns and bombs you hear."

there is a situation (i don't know what to really call it, other than scary) happening not far from us - less than a mile away. they've barricaded the bridge and are burning tires. there has been gunfire and bombs, but i don't know any more than that. the red shirt leaders turned themselves in in bangkok and this has led to rioting in bangkok - burning and looting. i believe it's possible that this is also the trigger to whatever is happening in chiang mai. as i type this there is a helicopter circling over head - i don't think their focus is our neighborhood, we're just close enough to the bridge. i don't feel like we are in immediate danger. but i have no idea where this is headed.

the two thai schools closest to our kids's school have already announced they that will be closed the remainder of the week. (our school actually sits in the middle of the campus of one of these.) our househelp's husband came by to tell us to stay in our house. and we have received similar advice from others. it's been strongly suggested we keep our kids home for the next two days.

we know just enough to be scared.

picture taken from chiang mai mail's facebook page

*update - school closed for tomorrow due to political unrest.*

the happiness project #4

2010-05-18T10:22:00.004+07:00

the rules:

simply post a photo of something that makes you wildly happy.

the man.

true story #1 - 15 year old boy asks #2 to prom. (when your graduating class includes only 18 or so folks, the entire high school gets to go to prom) #2 says no. 15 year old boy is in the play godspell. after watching the play, the man walks up on the stage to shake the hand of 15 year old boy and to tell him, "job well done." he then pulls 15 year old boy into the manly handshake-hug (you've seen it done) and whispers in his ear, "stay away from my daughter."

true story #2 - #1 has a presentation to give in his model united nations class - his topic is the fifth united nation millennium development goal - maternal health. he asks the man to be a "guest speaker". the man breaks the ice with this gem, "hi, i'm #1's dad. obviously i'm where he gets his good looks from. and girls, if you're interested in him, 25 years from now, it's possible he'll look a lot like this." and gestures to himself.

i think he might be losing his cool dad rep.

potluck the second helping

2010-05-17T16:27:00.006+07:00

it's monday again and that means i've got plenty to say, but not a lot of content. so, once again, it's a potluck.

today, i'm not so hot. just very, very warm. right now it's 36 celsius. which is the same as almost 97 degrees. so much cooler than last week. but in bangkok, things are hot hot hot. and i'm talking politics. i have no idea when it will settle down or how. and since this is all new to everyone in the entire country, no one else knows, either. but there's more and more talk of it coming our way. two bombs at atms last night and rumor of a bus caught on fire - both here in town.

this week dr. google has diagnosed me with acanthocheilonemiasis. i bet that changes when the mosquito bites go away and my skin no longer itches.

one sad little mangosteen, one gecko (well, he's not there anymore, but he was there just now, when i peeked), red apples and a light box thing.

this week i didn't burn
moroccan carrots
tangy-sweet plum chicken
or take out.

and that's the way to get in a big post of nothingness. well, except the bangkok thing. that one's not nothing.

and, just like last week, this is a blog hop. you can join the fun, too.

what to wear? what to wear?

2010-05-15T00:01:00.000+07:00

every morning i look in the closet and can not figure out what to wear. it all looks hot. but, i've heard over and over that a good rule of thumb is to do what the locals do. so today i decided to notice what they wear. i snapped a few pictures, you know to help me remember what i'm looking for while building my wardrobe. i did notice a trend, but i'm not so sure i'm gonna be able to pull off such a fashion forward look when it's 42 degrees (107). and it's been hovering right around that temp for the better part of forever.

this seems a tad somber. i tend to like brighter colors.

orange? i love orange.

the flannel is sort of cute. sort of.

he's got corduroy going on. don't know if i can pull it off.

even with the shorts and flip flops there's something that seems a tad heavy about these outfits.

better choices of color.

this couple gets my vote for best dressed!

looks like it's back to the drawing board. cuz from what i've seen today. the locals are nutz.

that's a mighty big promise

2010-05-14T13:50:00.003+07:00

state of emergency

2010-05-14T10:49:00.004+07:00

yes, a state of emergency has been declared for 15 more provinces in thailand. including chiang mai. and, after a bit of internet searching, i have a definition from thailand's emergency decree that tells just what that means.

upon declaring the enforcement of a emergency decree, the prime minister has the power to issue the regulations including:

to prohibit any person from departing from a dwelling place;

to prohibit the assembly or gathering of persons at any place or the commission of any act which may cause unrest;

to prohibit the press release, distribution or dissemination of letters, publications or any means of communication containing texts which may instigate fear amongst the people or is intended to distort information;

to prohibit the use of routes or vehicles or prescribe conditions on the use of routes or vehicle;

to prohibit the use of buildings or enter into or stay in any place;

to evacuate people out of a designated area for the safety of such people or to prohibit any person from entering a designated area.

so what does that look like? this morning things are very much the same. kids off to school, breakfast with michael, and now out shopping for a birthday present for a friend of #3.

i need need need someone to make these

2010-05-13T15:25:00.006+07:00

if you click on the recipe card it gets bigger

i saw this recipe today over at picky palate. and it made me sorta mad at my kids. when my parents came to visit they brought with them several jars of marshmallow cream. mmm mmm good. and since they've left, my kids have eaten many, many fluffernutter - that would be marshmallow cream and peanut butter - sandwiches. they've eaten so many of them that the marshmallow cream is completely and totally gone.

some of you might remember a few years back when i asked someone, anyone to make the pioneer woman's apple dumplings because i can't get several of the ingredients here. and some of you did make them. and said they were oh-so-good. well, i'm pretty sure these cookies will be oh-so-gooder.

so, someone please help a girl out. make them and tell me just how very good they are.

hate to play favorites

2010-05-12T21:45:00.004+07:00

when you're in thailand - where you can get real, honest to goodness thai food - and you've been invited to dinner and the dinner party includes the following guests

1 filipina
1 indian
3 thai
1 ugandan
2 ethiopian
2 american

what do you eat?

chinese, of course.

happiness project #4

2010-05-11T19:45:00.003+07:00

the rules:

simply post a photo of something that makes you wildly happy.

this is what it looks like when we lock up for the night. i'm a big fan of being done at the end of the day and knowing everyone's home and safe.

some mondays might mean potluck

2010-05-10T16:28:00.011+07:00

i have nothing worthy of an entire post to write about, but i've still got words i ~~am desperate~~ want to use. so i'm stealing holly's potluck monday idea. and i might steal it every monday. that's for me to know and you to find out. (ok, really i've got no idea.) what's a posting potluck? well, you know how when you go to a potluck dinner and everyone brings a dish that is for the most part absolutely unrelated to any other dish there, but it still tastes good? it's sort of like that. but with random thoughts instead of food. and i'm the only one who contributes.

i sure am. today the temp hit 41, which to my farenheit temperature telling brain sounds lovely. but they use celsius here and that that translates to 107 farenheit. and we have to sleep without aircon. which means i don't sleep. i just sweat. and that is not at all refreshing.

this week dr. google thinks i might be menopausal or possible going through nicotine withdrawal. i'm betting he's wrong on both accounts.

mangosteen, apples, rambuton, onions and a tide to go pen. the tide to go pen is the most valuable.

carnitas, spaghetti or boiled eggs. i also didn't burn a souffle. of course, i didn't make a souffle.

and that's all the random i have to offer.

oh, and this is a bloghop. i'm not exactly sure what that means or how it works, but i'm doing it. and you can, too.

now you see him, now you don't.

2010-05-08T01:03:00.007+07:00

the man has just returned from indonesia. he was gone four days - which is a short time in comparison to his normal trips. but, when you figure in his next most recent trip was 3 weeks long and had him returning late last saturday night (giving him a little over 2 days at home) it didn't feel so short. i have people ask me all the time "how do you do it?" how do we manage the comings and goings. and my answer is we just do. i don't mean to sound flippant, but it's one of those things that we do because we have to. we knew that the traveling and the seperation came with this job - with this opportunity to live in thailand. but knowing it and adjusting to it are two very different things. and sometimes it is hard.

when he's not here the whole family dynamic changes. basically, we function as a single parent family. but single parenting when you're not really a single parent can be difficult. it's not so great for the kids to have only me at home. i am not the fun parent. i am the one that is most likely to say, "no." when i'm reacting to something, i try hard to think about how he would react and balance my over the top with his a bit more laid back nature. i frequently don't succeed.

but apart from the parenting thing there's the whole he's my spouse thing. you know, the "we're in this together" thing. except, often we're not. at least not geographically. and i find myself becoming resentful. the bills, the kids, meal planning, household or car repairs (planned and surprise) and any other day to day thing (like bicycle-vs.-motorcy-not-really-an-accident accidents) all fall to me when he's gone. and i handle it all. not always well, but it usually gets taken care of. the odd thing is that the things that bother me most are the things i would be responsible for if he were home. i read an article the other day and this quote was in it (you can click on the quote for the full article).
The difficulty of living out the married life at a distance is that the independence you need to develop in order to function well apart, directly challenges the healthy interdependence that defines a good marriage when you are together.
i couldn't have said that better myself. and i it points to what i find most difficult. i work pretty hard to not develop that independence. to not have 2 different norms - the he's home norm and the he's away norms. (of course, we do have 2 norms - we have the let's pretend he's not away norm and the he's home norm). and by doing this, i think i might be making things more difficult. my fear of becoming comfortable without him might be interfering with my being able to function without him. when i'm dealing with the kids, reminding myself that i'm not the fun parent or that he would handle this differently isn't at all helpful.

there's nothing we can do to change his travel. and i'm not looking to. what needs to change is my attitude. it's not a betrayal for me to truly single parent while he's gone. it will probably make things better - certainly for my relationship with my kids, but also for our marriage. the article i quoted above is about the unexpected good of life with a traveling spouse. and i think there is unexpected good, but i think if we're gonna find it i have to embrace the role of not traveling spouse.

got to be startin' somethin'

2010-05-05T14:53:00.008+07:00

we've now been in thailand coming up on 2 and 1/2 years. and i'm finally ready to invest in something. i've spent the last 18 months being the christian ed. chair at our church. which means i've taken care of children's ministry. in a very mediocre way. it was something i got into spur of the moment like. with no thought given. and seeing as it's an 18 month commitment and i very clearly said "no" when asked if i'd be interested in another term - i'm wrapping that one up and not looking back. so, now it's time for something new. i would love for the next thing to be something i really want to do - you know be a little more intentional about it and less spur of the moment.

i want to be more involved at the kids' school. in the states i was extremely involved and i miss that terribly. i've taken care of this one. i'm going to be the ptg secretary next year. this involved an election - i was unapposed, but still people had to raise their hands and all.

another thing i know i want to do is become more familiar with the local compassion office. i've sent a tentative email to see if there are things i can do there. if we were in the states i would offer to do administrative type things - but here there's the whole language thing. i know they would like me to teach english, but i've given that a try on two occasions and i'm really, really bad at it. i really hope this one works out.

and there is one other thing i'd like to do. there are several orphanages in the area. i'd like to get involved with one. i'd like for the kids to be able to be involved, too. at least #1 and #2. not that i wouldn't like for #3 to be involved, but it's likely that he's too young. so i've put some feelers out on that one, too.

and as i think about this, i'm a little worried. i know three separate things at one time seems alot, in my head i have it all working out. no problems. but it involves setting boundaries. that might be a problem. i'm not good with boundaries. (that's how come we have three dogs.) i have just emailed the ptg president to see exactly what kind of commitment i'm looking at. i don't really think it's too scary, a few meetings and such. in my tentative email to compassion i almost mentioned that i was available 1 morning a week. wishing i had done that. and i've told the orphanage 2 days a week. we're gonna have to work out times and days and such. and seeing as they do have a schedule that the kids are on it might not be too hard to keep it to two days. so, see, it all works out perfectly.

the happiness project #3

2010-05-04T19:02:00.005+07:00

the rules:

simply post a photo of something that makes you wildly happy.

these are the koi in our pond. they are happy to eat the same meal three times a day. everyday. not one complaint.

taken advantage of

2010-05-02T00:01:00.001+07:00

the motorcy incident is behind us and i'm pretty certain that #1 was not at fault - but this cultural transaction still cost us 4ooo฿ ($124.00). we might have been able to put up a fight and pay less. we could have argued that the guy was putting on an act and his injuries were not as bad as he was making them out to be. we could have pointed out that what he said was the estimate for repairs to his motorcy seemed to be double what it should have been. and since we were reimbursing him for time missed from work we could have said we'd only pay for the 2 days the doctor excused and not the five days he was certain he needed. and we would have been right. but in order to do that we would have been saying we didn't believe him. that we thought he was lying. which would have caused him to lose face. and in so many dealings with thai the right outcome is the outcome that helps save face. or at least causes the least loss of face.

part of me thinks that his guy wasn't so worried with saving face. that the saving face thing was convenient because he knew it would be difficult for us to put up too much of an argument. and i don't like that. i don't like feeling like i've gotten the short end of the stick.

but there's more to it than just money and the hurt feelings. the big picture includes the entire neighborhood. the guy works just around the corner from us. the entire neighborhood knew what had happened and who was invovled within seconds of the incident. and the entire neighborhood was watching to see how it would turn out. everyone had an opinion of how it happened and who was at fault. and i think when it comes down to a he said/he said involving a thai security guard and a farang teen it's not too difficult to reach a conclusion that does not favor #1. so, to keep the peace we paid. and then explained to #1 that we did believe him even though our actions made it appear that we didn't.

i don't know if we did he right thing. there probably was a better way to handle it, but we did the best we could and now we have another story to add to our time in thailand tale.

the truth will out

2010-05-01T00:01:00.000+07:00

speechless

2010-04-30T00:01:00.001+07:00

you would think it would come in really handy to be able to speak thai when an accident happens. and it probably would. but turns out what happens is i completely forget all my thai. i even forget how to understand thai. and i wasn't even involved in this acccident. i didn't even know an accident had happened until someone appeared at my gate asking me about it.

khun pairat, the thai lady who manages the property down the street from us, rang my door bell. she's never rung my door bell. i head out to see what she needs. she's with her daughter. they ask me about my son. the one who was just almost hit by a motorbike. like 5 minutes ago. i have no idea what they are talking about. all my kids are home. all my bikes are home. she says it was my son. my son in the blue shirt. my tall son. so i go in and get #1 - who is wearing a blue shirt. he's pretty casual about it. yeah, that happened. no big deal. and that's when i went thai language stupid.

#1 has no other information for me. khun pairat says something else to me, but i don't understand what it is. about this time my mobile rings. it's another neighbor calling to see if i need help translating. i say i think i'm okay, but will call back if i do. i hang up and immediately another neighbor calls to let me know that another neighbor, bill, is on his way to my house to help me. when he gets here he says that the motorbike rider is still down the street and he wants to see me. i head back into the house to change clothes and grab some money. i'm not sure of the proper protocol, but want to be prepared.

i get down the street and notice skid marks in the street. skid marks that start a pretty good ways from the intersection. and i can see the motorbike guy. he's got some scrapes - nothing horrible, but certainly painful looking. and then i see his bike. it has some minor body damage - paint scraped, side mirror missing, bumper a bit caddy-wampus. now we come to the tricky part. and i don't mean determining fault. the tricky part is figuring out how much and who this is gonna cost. (the who part wasn't really tricky at all. we're farang, he's thai. there's pretty much only one solution to that problem.) there are also all kinds of cultural nuances i'm completely ignorant to. i do know i need to look very sorry and express it, but i cannot even remember how to say i'm sorry in thai. i think bill has realized by now that i'm completely useless and he steps in for me and translates what i should be saying. i don't know if i'm supposed to offer money or if i'm supposed to wait for him to name a price. the group gathered around to help me says we should not rush, wait to see what the driver has to say. the driver is consulting with his friends and khun pairat. he says his only concern is that his bike be repaired. (did i mention that this motorbike appears brand new?) khun pairat suggests that she accompany him to the repair shop tomorrow and then they can bring me the estimate. i discover someone from our family should go to the hospital with him, but it would be inappropriate for me to be go. thankfully, a male neighbor, jeff, volunteers to go in my place. i give jeff some money to cover the hospital bill and he heads out. jeff spends a good portion of his evening at the hospital. he returns with good news. there was no charge at the hospital. he says it's some sort of health initiative or something. he wasn't exactly sure. the doctor did give the guy a doctor's note for 2 days off of work. and jeff arranged for all parties to meet again on saturday.

while jeff was at the hospital i returned home to see if #1 could fill in any of the blanks in this story. like the when and the how and the exactly what happened. #1 and i had had a bit of a heated conversation and we'd gone to our separate corners. tonight, he had chosen anywhere but home to be his corner so he went for a bike ride. he didn't make it far before the accident happened. it seems this accident was quite loud. loud enough that many neighbors came out to check and see what was going on. one of the neighbors accessed the situation and sent #1 on home. and about 5 minutes later khun pairat was at my door. #1's version of the story has it being not his fault. and it matches up with the evidence (thank you law & order and csi for my detective training). the other version that has been suggested - and not from an eye witness - places #1 clearly in the wrong, but doesn't fit. however, it doesn't really matter. i can see it happening just the way #1 says it happened and the guy still going down.

i've been coached a bit about what should happen saturday. i should once again be sorry. #1 will be with me and he will be sorry. bill and jeff will be with me and they will be sorry - we will be one sorry group. then i will offer to pay for the days of work he missed and for the repairs on his motorbike.

there is one thing i find very interesting and that is that the medical report says it was a single motorbike accident. no bicycle mentioned.

on edge

2010-04-29T07:51:00.006+07:00

as you may have heard the political situation in thailand is heating up. for the most part, all the turmoil is in bangkok. we have had some demonstrations and a few bomb blasts in chiang mai, but, so far, we've personally witnessed none of it. the most we see are people wearing red shirts or flying red flags. however, the warnings for chiang mai are becoming more serious. (chiang mai is the second largest city in thailand and a predominantly "red shirt" area.) we're (westerners) being warned to avoid certain parts of town - one happens to be very close to where we live. the constant news updates and warnings have caused me to become a bit fearful. last night i heard loud explosions, normally i would put them off to fireworks, but i couldn't see any fireworks and it was early in the evening and i couldn't think of any reason that there would be fireworks - not that they need a reason here. i immediately became concerned.

people make lots of guesses about how this will end. i've heard everything from new elections to civil war. and just hearing civil war scares me. my imagination is just wild enough to jump to lots of conclusions when i think civil war. i've seen glory, gone with the wind, the red badge of courage, cold mountain, the outlaw josey wales, and shenandoah. so i've seen enough to think i can imagine civil war here. (how realistic is what i'm imagining? that's highly debatable.) i think of troops seizing homes to use as base camps. which immediately makes me think of how perfect the house we live in would be for a base camp. i wonder all about logistics if things turn ugly. where do we go? what do we do? will we be safe?

the thing is, i really don't feel like we're in any danger. but the constant feeling that something could happen is tiring. it's making me jumpy. turns out last night that it was just fireworks. a celebration of some kind. i don't know what was being celebrated, but i am glad that things haven't turned so serious that celebrations have ended. i don't know how long this will continue. i do know that every day it goes on the damage being done to the entire country of thailand grows and i suspect that the longer it goes on the more difficult it becomes for either side to step away.

the happiness project #2

2010-04-27T00:01:00.002+07:00

the rules:

simply post a photo of something that makes you wildly happy.

mangosteen

great tropical fruit. it's the hot season. and it's so hot that happy doesn't come easy. but the hot season means great fruit. and that makes me very happy.

media kid

2010-04-26T00:01:00.002+07:00

these are instructions for an assignment from #1's health class. i'm guessing that they're talking about the all encompasing influence of media. (i'm pretty good at the whole deduction game).

all the tv we see is pre-recorded and no commercials. other media influences my son has are movies, internet, and music. i would think this would allow for a sufficient amount of media influence, but after seeing his "media kid" i'm thinking we might need to get ourselves some tv. because his "kid" is more weird than cool. and probably not cool at all.

here are some interpretations of his labels. and my best guesses at the what influenced them.

a) legit monocle - didn't someone in harry potter have a monocle?
b) gangster beanie - he's recently seen all the godfather movies. so, i guess he'd know about beanies.
c) ghetto earrings - the blind side. sandra bullock goes to big mike's old neighborhood. it's in the ghetto. i think some of the guys had earrings.
d) fancy tie - probably another thing learned from the godfather movies. they wore ties, right?
e) bling bling - i would guess the wire, but the use of "bling bling" has me thrown off. it seems a bit sissy.
f) coke - it's everywhere
g) low riding boxers - i don't even know what they are. i thought the pants were the low rider and the boxers were to stay up so they could be seen.
h) levi's baggy jeans - maybe friends. he's seen a few episodes and i'm thinking they were still doing baggies in the '90s.
i) orange converse - chuck. except chuck's are black. this is about the only cool his "media kid" has got going for him - if the opinion of an approaching 40 year old mom counts.
j) sexy toupee -possibly from a cohen brothers movie. but i think sexy toupee is an oxymoron.

k) grillz - i'm stumped.
l) fake mustache - maybe inspector gadget. it seems a silly spy gag kinda thing to me.
m) rainbow suspenders - i don't think he's seen mork and mindy, but mork's the only rainbow suspender wearing person i can remember.
n) the straight man's sweater - mr. rogers. his influence is eternal.
o) cuban cigars - once again, the godfather
p) chains - i'm certain this is from a christmas carol. he played jacob marley and had to wear chains very similar to these. just much heavier. and more noticeable.

in my yard

2010-04-25T00:01:00.001+07:00

this stuff just grows in my yard. without any help from me. score one for the tropics. we've made a deal with our house help - if they pick it, they can have half. unless it's the jack fruit. then they can have it all.

ขนุน (jack fruit)

i've tried jack fruit. it's okay. i would eat it again if offered, but wouldn't go out of my way to get it on my own.

ชมพู่ (rose apple)

in the not too distant future this will become rose apples. dipping them in sugar/chili powder is my favorite way to eat them.

น้อยหน่า (custard apple)

i've not tried these, but i will. as soon as they are ripe.

ลั่นทมขาว (frangipani)

we've had this plant in a pot and moved it from house to house with us. we planted it here - in the ground, since i'm planning on not moving again. i'm not certain how it's managed to stay alive - i've mostly neglected it.

ต้น พู่ ระหง (hibiscus)

these grow like crazy here. my bush/tree is probably 8 foot tall.

a brief history

2010-04-23T00:01:00.002+07:00

leaving behind the old blog - and it's 2 1/2 years worth of posts - also means i've left behind alot of history. i've been trying to figure out what to do about that. i don't really want to link between the two blogs - that's part of my super duper evasive spy techniques - and i don't really feel up to moving the old posts over -that's not being evasive; it's being lazy. so i'm gonna give a brief history here. and if you wanna know more you can email me at leakingcrazy(at)gmail(dot)com or leave your email in the comment section and i will send you a link to my previous blog.

it all began in april 2002. we were living in texas and took a vacation for most of us -working holiday for the man - trip to colorado. we spent a few days in denver and then headed to colorado springs to spend a few days with my old college roommate. as we drove into the springs we felt, very clearly, that God had a home for us here. (for me this was a huge deal, my kids are the 5th generation born in the d/fw area). so, at the end of the week, we headed back to texas to see how we were to make this happen. at every step doors opened. we sold a house, we bought a house and by july we were in colorado.

october 2002

jump ahead 2 years. the man had a desire to be self employed. to provide leadership training to churches. we pray. we seek advice. and he quit his job. a company he had worked for for 16 years. and we were blessed. for almost 3 years things were good for us. his work didn't involve churches, but he was kept busy doing consulting work for corporations and he got to travel the world. but, as they say, all good things...

2007. the man's work had dried up. the economy had changed and it started to begin to look a bit desperate for us. while the previous 3 years had been good for us, they hadn't been the kind of good that allowed for us to have no income. the man felt very confident that God had a job for him in ministry. he didn't know what that would be, but we began searching. in the mean time, i got a job. i had not worked - outside of the home - for 10 years. and pretty close to the day i got my job, i found a listing for a job for him. a job in training with compassion international. he applied. and we both wondered what it might mean that this job didn't list where it was located. they called him for an interview. and mentioned that this job was in asia. would that work for him. we talked. none of the reasons to not do it could top the reason to - we were certain this opportunity had been provided by God for us. and he got the job. and it was in southeast asia. nowhere specific. that was up to us. so, we turned to google. and again we prayed. within the first week i began looking at chiang mai. we felt good about chiang mai. we knew the man's travel schedule would be heavy and we wanted some place that i would feel safe being alone with the kids. we also wanted some place that we could live in the community, not on a compound. july was our move date.

november 2007. the decision was made that july was too far off. that the work the man needed to do would be done easier and better if we were in asia already. so the date was moved up. to january.

january 10, 2008. we left colorado.

arriving in bangkok 13-01-2008

january 13, 2008. we landed in chiang mai.

it hasn't all been a bed of roses. leaving was hard. getting settled was hard. and living here is still sometimes hard. we feel very blessed to be here. our faith has grown. we've seen our children struggle and grow in amazing ways. we don't know how long we'll be here. or where we will end up next. we're learning to live in the here and now. to appreciate where we are and not worry too much about what's coming next.

in the next few weeks - or months - i might decide to move over some of the old posts - slowly. there's alot there. plenty of it junk, but plenty of good memories, too. i hope they don't jam up people's feed readers. if they do, sorry in advance!

bad decisions at the grocery

2010-04-22T00:01:00.001+07:00

i have not had a real american hot dog in two years. what i wouldn't give for an honest to goodness chili cheese dog with onions. yum. i feel faint just thinking about it. now, what i have eaten - once - are thai hot dogs. each individually shrink wrapped (shrunk wrapped?) and it's near impossible to get that wrapping off. and once you do, you discover what your eating is probably more closely related to the vienna sausage (you know, the ones in the can) than a true blue hot dog. not yummy. and guess what i found at the grocery the other day??

yep, oscar mayer hot dogs (okay, turkey dogs, whatever.) imported from the good ol' u s of a. i found it difficult to contain myself. then i started scanning the labels for the price. and found it. 320 baht!! that's like 9 dollars and 95 cents in american money. which is why i didn't get them, because that would have been fiscally crazy. i just couldn't bring myself to pay 10 dollars for hot dogs. especially when i'd had a bad food experience while we were in the states last summer. i'd made a list of all the foods i wanted. had to have. could not survive without if i didn't eat them at least once before returning to thailand. and in every single case, they just weren't as good as i'd remembered.

but #2, who happened to be shopping with me, did come across something she just had to have. she said they'd had them on the mission trip and they were yuh-uh-uh-uh-meee. they were reasonable (so reasonable i had her get two different flavors) and i was curious. (curiousity killed the cat, remember?)

yep, those are potato chips. the kind that should be salty, not sweet. and they are not at all yuh-uh-uh-uh-meee. they aren't even yuh. they're gross. so gross that we each had one, put the lid on and put them on top of the pantry. where they will sit for a mighty long time. i couldn't even get our house help to take them home. maybe they have these in america now, i don't know. if they do, and you haven't tried them consider this your warning. and don't.

one is silver and the other gold

2010-04-21T00:02:00.002+07:00

as a general rule, i don't do friendship well. like any rule, there are exceptions, but they are few and far between. i am great at acquaintances. keeping things surface is my forté. see, i sort of keep people at arm's length and i can be a bit prickly - which really gets in the way of getting below the surface.

part of my struggle is that i'm pretty sure i lack the friendship forming gene. i honestly don't get how people become fast friends - and by fast i mean, like, taking less than 4 years - and where i find myself now is a difficult place. and i do mean that literally. because it's a very transient community. people are constantly coming and going. and it's a diverse community. people from all over the world, with different customs, expectations and not to mention languages and accents. it makes it all a bit more difficult. but, i also mean that i'm in a difficult place figuratively. because i've reached the point that i have become fully aware that the root of the problem is me. i've been resistant to putting myself out there - to being vulnerable. and i want to be different. i want to have people (heck, i'd be happy with just a person) that i can be completely me with. that i can laugh with and cry with. that i can share the ups and downs with. i'm tired of being lonely. and i'm tired of wishing and wanting.

and what's really frustrating is that those people. those people who can be friends - really good friends - are right in front of me. and i've made excuses, pushed them away and sabotaged relationships. but it's time for a change. it's time to take control. it's time to mend fences and take risks. i'm not so confident of what the results will be, but i'm willing to give it a go.

the happiness project

2010-04-20T00:01:00.003+07:00

the rules:

simply post a photo of something that makes you wildly happy.

i can do that.

it's the restaurant that's just out my front gate. the restaurant that serves a pretty awesome western breakfast and lunch. the restaurant that was closed for 10 days. but it re-opened yesterday. and i was there. being happy.

mission trip 2010

2010-04-19T00:01:00.006+07:00

#1 and #2 (unofficial names until i figure out what i wanna do about names) went on a mission trip to two akha villages in northern thailand over april break. this was a first for #2. #1 had been on a trip to one of the villages two years ago. they went with mixed feelings. they were excited, but also bummed that they'd be missing out on the songkran festivities here in chiang mai. turns out they both had a very good time. except for the day and a half that #1 spent puking. at least it happened in the second village. there they stayed in a hotel and not a hut. and had real toilets and not squatty potties. and also better that it happened there than here. because a) i'm not so much for the puking and b) there he had aircon and tv. neither of which he would have had here.

from what they've told me and what i've gleaned from the pics it apears their job for the week was volunteer jungle gyms. and it looks like they did it well.

april break

2010-04-18T03:11:00.003+07:00

april break is coming to an end. and we did a bunch of nothing. or at least i did. the oldest two, #1 and #2 (that's their unofficial names for the time being) went on a mission trip. they spent a week in two villages in northern thailand. they played with kids, assisted with vbs and returned with packs full of stinky clothes. #1 also got sick. he spent a day and a half puking his guts out. probably better he was there than here. because a) i'm not one for the puking. and b) there he had aircon and tv, neither of which he would have had access to here.

april break is 2 weeks here. two very hot weeks. for the first week and a half, the mr. (that's his unofficial name and one i'm pretty sure i'm not too fond of) was home. that meant for the first full week it was the five of us home. it's been a while since we've all been here, together, with not much scheduled. we played games. helped the mr. with some projects. finished getting a music room together for #3 and slept in. the second week started with the #1 and #2 headed out for their trip. leaving 3 of us here to play songkran. what could be better than the biggest water fight in the whole wide world? especially when they are very fond of using ice water. and throwing it on you by the bucket full. wednesday, the mr. left. that left #3 and me. alone. #3 was certain that the few days between the mr. leaving and the return of #1 and #2 would be the most boring time in his entire life. i proved him wrong. we made a day trip to the flight of the gibbons - where we had our fill of ziplining and waterfall hiking. and we were not bored at all.

#1 and #2 have returned. monday it's back to school. and then the countdown to the end of the school year begins.

i bet she'll regret that

2010-04-18T00:55:00.001+07:00

our แม่บ้าน (that would be our maid - rough life i have) took the past week off. she and her family went to กรุงเทพฯ (krungthep, i mean bangkok- i know, now i'm just being obnoxious) and to the beach. this is the first trip any of them have made to bangkok or the beach. in their entire lives. and i think that when she gets back here on monday, she's gonna wish she'd never left. cuz this place? it's a disaster. or maybe she'll wish she'd never come back.

i did do some dishes. and i did do some laundry. but the sweeping and the mopping and the toilet scrubbing and such - didn't even attempt them.

so bright and early monday morning i'll be walking the kids to school and then i'll spend the rest of the day hiding out. too ashamed to show my face.

not my first rodeo

2010-04-17T12:35:00.000+07:00

way back when - like a week ago - i had another blog. but i've up and quit it. i didn't put alot of thought into the quitting of the other blog. i just did it.

i didn't really wanna quit blogging, just needed a change of scenery. so - here's to new beginnings and fresh starts and all that jazz.

the carnage - a reenactment

2008-05-22T22:22:00.000+07:00

this is almost exactly - i mean it is so very, very close - to what actually happened, it's not even funny!

first, he appeared out of no where and looked all menacing.

then he rounded up his prey and made threats - and i'm not talking veiled threats here. they were saying anything to try to stop the inevitable.

and then he picked them off, in pairs. he said he's always been a fan of the buddy system.

he started with the skunk and the panda - oh, it was gruesome!

next, he took out the chinchilla and the lamb, the poor defenseless creatures.

and, for his last course, he had the pony and the baby seal. yes, he did.

and - if it wasn't enough that we had to witness this - look what he left behind. and who do you think had to clean that mess up?

and then, later that night, he was eyeing us. giving our toes a once over. thinking they might make a good midnight snack.

new neighbor

2008-05-07T22:19:00.000+07:00

this ~~little~~ fellow has taken up residence on our residence. he's a tokay gecko, aka the pit bull of the gecko world. sounds charming, doesn't he? thank God he seems content to be outside and hasn't decided to move in with us, because i've done enough reading to know he's not the friendliest when confronted and s8 would be all over confronting him.

you can hear what he sounds like by clicking here, and it is so totally worth the time and effort it will take to go listen. and while you're listening imagine you're in bed trying to fall asleep and every 5 min or so you hear this lovely mating call.

spf not enough

2008-04-25T22:15:00.000+07:00

i had this little growth on my upper lip. and because of all the unprotected sun exposure i've had and the basal cell carcinoma i had removed from my left shoulder 10 years ago i was pretty sure it wasn't just nothing. and i was right. it was a squamous cell carcinoma. a small one. and it has now been frozen (ouch, that hurts) off my lip. and here's where i share maybe my biggest - and certainly vainest - fear. that my face will be horribly disfigured by skin cancer. you know, one day there will be something, that in order to get, they will have to dig deep and go wide. and the scarring will be bad. so the doctor and i discussed how to get this thing off my lip and she listed all the options, freeze it (least invasive), scoop it, cut it (most invasive). and i was more than willing to just have it cut off. it's small, it would leave a very small scar and i wouldn't have to fear that it isn't completely gone (a little bitty scar doesn't worry me, it's the what if we missed part of it and we made it mad by poking at it so it's gonna go hay wire and get all aggressive that has me worried). but we opted for freezing it (because it is so small) and keeping an eye on it.

this morning i go back to have a basal cell carcinoma, not as small, removed from my right shoulder. after it is removed and i get some stitches they will send it to the lab to check the margins and be sure they got it all.

so where am i going with all of this? just a friendly reminder to wear sunscreen and a hat. and, also, i guess i'm going to have to say it, "you were right, dad" he was always asking, telling, nagging, harping at (you get the idea) me to wear sunscreen and a hat, but because i was a teenager and immortal and oh so much smarter than him, i didn't. and dad, fyi, this isn't a good time to say, "i told you so."

rambutan

2008-04-22T22:13:00.000+07:00

one of the great things about living in thailand is all the ~~rare and exotic~~ tropical fruit. it's everywhere. mangos, mangosteen, papaya, guava, longkong, pomelo, litchi, pineapple, coconut, durian, jack fruit, marian plum, etc... lately, we've taken a liking to the rambutan. it took us a bit to get past it's fraggle rock appearance. cuz normally, food + hair = bad thing. but this one is quite tasty.

yep, inside that hairy exterior is this smooth, almost grape like, tasty piece of goodness.

here's what's left after you devour the fruit.

those of you who know me know i'm not a play with your food kind of mom, but this one, well, who could help it.

looks like a nasty road rash, doesn't it?

and for anyone who might be wondering... we've eaten no durian. it's not in season now. and for that i thank God. cuz that fruit stinks. big time. smells alot like something i could never and would never put in my mouth.

we need a fix

2008-04-18T22:10:00.001+07:00

it seems google thinks we're thai. which means any and all things google related - like blogspot - think we're thai. we're not thai. we can't even read thai. which is a problem. because we can't read any of the clickable spots. not even the one that might be the one that we should click to get all things google to produce text in english. i am now reaching out to the smartest person i know - ahem, that would be you - for help. please.

oh, and kind of the same, but not really, msn seems to think i'm spanish. anything msn related comes up in spanish for me. i never should have claimed to be trilingual.

He's the King, i tell you

2008-04-16T22:07:00.000+07:00

"Ooh!" said Susan, "I'd thought he was a man. Is he--quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

*c.s. lewis' the chronicles of narnia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i was recently reminded of the above quote at a women's retreat. and have found myself thinking about that last bit - / 'course he isn't safe. but he's good. he's the King, I tell you. / i have often wanted to find a way to describe my God, to find a way to put into words who God is to me, and c.s. lewis has done it.

God is so good that He sacrificed his Son for us. and He has said to us, "for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (jer. 29:1) see, that's good.

but it's the not being safe part that made me say, "yeah, exactly." because if i think God is safe, i am forgetting that He is in control. that He is the King. that it is His will that will be done. and it is so much more than just who God is. it's also how i should relate to Him and with others for Him. He's going to ask me to take risks, to step out - do things way out of my comfort zone.

i think it's pretty apparent that i don't feel "safe" sharing my faith. because, well, i don't do it. i mean, sure, when i'm around other christians, i'm all over it. i can stand strong. but it's with "not-from-church" friends and "might-gonna-be" friends that i waiver. i want to be liked, and i'm afraid that my faith is something that might cause them to not like me.

to me, this is a prime example of me forgetting that God is not "safe" and that my goal in life should not be to feel "safe". i believe when i respond to Him, it should be because i know He's good - not because He's safe. and because i know "that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." rom 8:28

even the scary stuff....even the unsafe stuff. i trust in God because i know He's good and because He's in control.

dishwater hands and a poll

2008-04-15T10:43:00.000+07:00

i have no dishwasher. i also have no hot water in the kitchen. and i have a tendency to be, well, a little lazy. meaning, i'm not going to boil water to do the dishes. i just do them in cold. and from what i can tell, that is the norm here. i've managed to convince myself that this is okay. mainly because so far it's worked and, oh, yeah, i'm a little lazy.

but because i'm not 100% convinced that this is the best way to do dishes i've decided to let you guys have the final say. yep, it's a poll. so, go for it, have your say. and don't worry. i won't be too disappointed if i only have one poll answerer. i can always call it a learning experience - now i know how to put a poll on my blog.

but maybe not - while the poll seemed to work in theory, it didn't so much work out for real.

on to plan b - if you guys will all grab a dry erase marker. circle the answer that you feel is correct.

dishes must always be done in hot water or you will die.

it is perfectly fine to do dishes in cold water unless you're a pansy.

now, if you don't mind helping me to tabulate these results, please look closely at the answer you circled and write it down in the comment section. thanks for your most willing participation.

you might want to now go back and wipe the dry erase marker from your screen. and if you find it won't come off, check your marker. if it says permanent, well, it's possible your vote just might not be counted.

sawatdii pii mai

2008-04-14T10:39:00.000+07:00

thailand is in the middle of their songkran celebration - which is the thai new year - and party animals that we are we had to get into the middle of it. so we loaded up the family in the car and headed for the moat. actually, we headed out to find parking and then made our way to the moat. now, we had been warned that it was a bit of a moist celebration, but we weren't exactly prepared for the soaking we got.

we left the rear windows to the car open intentionally so the kids could get a sample of the party.

our first taste of the trouble to come.

#2 recieved a shampoo - no joke. they wet, applied shampoo, lathered and rinsed. we were very glad they didn't give a hair cut, too.

when we finally made it to the moat, here's what we saw. and the real water fight began.

the first thing we did was hop in one of these little jobs - it's a tuk-tuk, with the top taken off.

and it was decked out with it's own barrel of water and a few smaller buckets so we could throw it on those in the beds of trucks, other tuk-tuks, and people just standing on the sidewalk. the only problem with this scenario is that there was so much water being thrown in at us we could barely manage to throw any water out. i think farangs - (a)in a topless tuk-tuk (b)that is not moving at all - are really sitting targets. and one other important thing about this water - it was ice water, freezing cold ice water.

after an hour in the tuk-tuk we were ready to head home. but we still had about an hour to walk to get back to the car.

as we were walking we were able to get some good pics of the water fight on the other side of the moat.

those folks aren't fishing, they are gathering water to hurl on to the people in the trucks, tuk-tuks, and riding on motorbikes.

as we were making our way around the moat, the man and the kids found the energy to conquer the walls of the old city.

our camera's both took a beating during this outing. we tried to protect them in plastic bags, but still they got a little damp. so, the pictures end here. and niether of us captured the stupidest thing i've done since arriving in thailand.

the man and the kids had gone to get drinks and i was waiting on the sidewalk when a truck pulled over. and out climbed some lovely young people with a container of red water - it looked more like red koolaid - and they wanted me to take a drink. having read somewhere something about it being rude not to and added to the fact that i just really, really want to be liked, my knee jerk reaction was okay, sure, give me some of that. it took me no time at all to notice that my only option was to drink from the straws that were in the container. it took a very small sip for me to realize this was a ~~tad bit~~ whole heck of a lot stronger than red water or even koolaid. and they were absolutely tickled that i partook of what was probably some roofie laden cocktail.

and thus ended our first songkran. fun was had by all and we are all completely exhausted.

#3 has declared it the second best holiday ever. coming in right after his birthday.

normal, that's us

2008-04-14T10:34:00.002+07:00

it’s official. the counselor’s declared us and all that we are going through as normal. i know, i’m just as surprised by that as you. actually, i’m not, i knew it. everyone keeps telling us that this is all normal, everybody who moves across the world goes through it. but yesterday, finally, someone said to me – that while this is normal – it still sucks. and that’s really what i needed to hear. deep down i have no doubt that we will make it through this transition. but every once in a while i do have those niggling little thoughts that scream, “what in the world were you thinking!?! you are a crazy woman and nothing is ever going to be alright again!!” niggling little thoughts can be quite loud. but yesterday we decided to embrace the normal. we went to eat lunch at normal ol’ kentucky fried chicken, then we went plant shopping where the boys did what boys are normally wont to do and complained that they had to be there. but we did get home with these

and once we were home #2 pointed out in her very normal way that if i was intending to pot these plants we had no pots and if i was intending to plant them in the ground we had nothing to dig with. (but i really have a much more sinister plan. since my mom is coming in may and she has an excellent shade of kelly green thumb and i have a not at all green thumb i’m hoping she won’t be too put out if she gets to take the lead on help with some landscaping. and that looking at the tropical plants that are so easy to come by here will get her very excited about the prospect of traveling half way around the world to garden. mom, don’t worry we will do so much more. gardening is just an if we get time kind of a thing. oh, and i will get those plants potted before you get here, i’ve purchased a green permanent marker to color my thumb with so the plants will feel more confident in me.) where was i, oh yeah, normal. (don’t all normal people have sinister gardening plans?) anyway, once home we went swimming at the very normal swimming pool in our neighborhood. and then i worked very hard at convincing the kids that cereal would be great for dinner since it was 900 degrees outside and that was way to hot to be cooking over a hot flame. i finally convinced them when i told them, “all the normal kids are doin’ it.”

adjusting

2008-04-11T10:26:00.002+07:00

today we, the kids and i that is, head off for a head check. the kids are going to meet with someone while i'm meeting with someone else. and then i get to meet with both of these someones to see what's next.

so far c14 really seems to be doing great. my only concern about him is that he seems to have developed some sort of funky accent. i have a tendency to mimic the accents around me, not intentionally, sometimes i don't even realize i'm doing it and i think he might do the same. it seems that c14 apparently is turning japanese, i think he's turning japanese, i really think so... okay, well, maybe not japanese, but you get the idea. however, i am worried that maybe there is something hovering just under the surface, waiting to break or crack or whatever it's gonna do.

a11 is doing okay at this moment. but that might not be true for the exact moment we walk into the counselor's office or even the exact next moment from this exact moment. things change quickly with her.

s8 hated thailand before he got here and this hasn't really improved at all. he has good moments, but when he's having a bad moment - it's bad. it's heartbreaking.

hopefully today we will get a bit of help. really, i think for the kids someone other than their parents saying this is normal will be very helpful, but also some tools to help process all of this.

bh isn't left out of all this because we think he's doing all that great, he's left out of this fun because he isn't here to participate. he gets back saturday from a two week jaunt to india and singapore. and this time his being gone has been so much better than mongolia. no freak-outs on my part. it has helped that i have had some contact from him, but i think the biggest difference has been that i have been so very busy informing the whole of thailand that i farted.

excuse me, um, i farted

2008-04-08T10:23:00.001+07:00

"you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means." inigo montoya, the princess bride

one of the first phrases i learned to say after i arrived in thailand was "excuse me" or "i'm sorry" and i've said it a lot. everywhere. all over the place. all the time. any time i felt i'd made some sort of error - which, really, was every time i had any reason to interact with anyone. you know, accidentally bump into someone, "excuse me". not moving fast enough to get out of the way, "excuse me" i didn't understand what was said and had no idea how to communicate that? "excuse me". and the list goes on and on. today in language class i learned that i hadn't exactly been saying what i thought i'd been saying. instead i'd been saying, "i farted."

did i mention i've said it a lot?

visa run

2008-03-26T10:15:00.000+07:00

our current visas require that we leave thailand every 90 days. and before you start thinking, "oh, my goodness. i can't believe they've been there 90 days already" just know - we haven't. we still have a few weeks, but today is the only day we could all clear our schedules to go. so, bright and early this morning we set out to cross the border into burma (it's officially the union of myanmar). we hired a minibus and driver to get us there and it took us about 4 hours. that's with bathroom breaks and some pretty rough road - mostly issues with construction, resurfacing and the like. our first bathroom break was at a resort and restaurant that was created to provide financial support for the population and community development association.

this establishment has set some pretty high standards for their food prep - and i now have all new worries about dining out.

our driver dropped us off in mae sai, thailand - maybe ~~50 yards~~ 45.72 meters from the border.

while having our passports checked i happened to look up and notice the clocks. the time in burma/myanmar is 1/2 an hour behind the time in thailand. i wish i'd taken a picture of it, but i didn't. i was too preoccupied with the dangers of border crossing. and i was all preoccupied over nothing. it reminded me of another border crossing experience i'd had.

when i was 15, the orchestra at my high school made a trip to the 1986 (don't stop reading to tax your brain trying to figure out my age, i'll do the math for you. i'm 37) world expo in vancouver, canada. we flew from dallas, texas to seattle, washington - which in and of itself was huge for me. (i'd only flown one other time and that was from dallas to houston on a southwest airlines peanut plane.) in seattle we boarded a bus and headed for the border. the entire drive i was nervous, like sweating buckets nervous. we got to the border and were stopped by guards. who boarded our bus - just like i knew they would. and then they got off the bus and waved us through. and that was it. i was so let down. i'd expected so much more. i'd expected guns waving and people yelling at us in a foreign language (you know, canadian english.) i'd expected our luggage to get tossed. i'd been holding my birth certificate tightly in my clenched fist - so i could produce it as soon as the nozzle of some high powered automatic rifle was waved in my face. but none of that happened. the weren't at all interested in a high school orchestra from dallas, texas. but we did stay on a cruise ship. you know, just in case those canadians decided we were dangerous and we needed to make a quick get away. (yes, i did believe that story then and now you're not gonna convince me other wise.)

anyway, back to this border crossing. after our passports were checked we crossed into myanmar/burma.

where they took pictures of us, we paid them and they kept our passports for processing. and we proceeded on to tachilek, burma/mayanmar to do a little shopping. then we returned and picked up our passports and reentered thailand.

on our way home, we noticed several fires. in an effort to improve air quality it is now illegal to burn in thailand, but it is part of their culture and old habits die hard.

i could have taken this exact picture a dozen times on our way home. the smoke was heavy and the stink was strong. we can see the smoke from our house and the haze in our area is awful. and at times the smell is almost unbearable. i hear it gets better once the rainy season comes and that this year is nothing compared to last. which makes me thankful i didn't experience it.

field trips in thailand are a whole 'nother kind of education

2008-03-21T10:07:00.001+07:00

#3's class went on a field trip to the fire station this week. he came home all excited and i couldn't figure out exactly why. he's been on a school field trip to the fire station, several, as a matter of fact. but after i got the details of this particular field trip i have a much better understanding of why an 8 yr. old boy might think this was the coolest field trip ever.

just what might make a field trip to the fire station all that? well, the kids were promised that there would most likely be an opportunity to operate a fire extinguisher. how fun is that?? what wasn't mentioned was that they would be putting out an actual fire with the fire extinguisher. an actual fire that the firemen themselves started right there in front of the entire 3rd grade from #3's school. an actual fire that they started by pouring gasoline on the ground right there in front of the entire 3rd grade from #3's school. and then lighting a match. i wouldn't be telling the truth if i said i wasn't ever so slightly disturbed by this. and this is one of those times that i'm seriously hoping #3 doesn't have his facts exactly right. because if he does, it seems to me that about 42 8 & 9 yr old boys and girls now know how to use accelerant to start a fire. and i don't think that was on the permission slip that the school sent home.

i think my bootstraps broke

2008-03-20T10:03:00.000+07:00

this is obviously going to be a woe is me, oh my life sucks post. and i'm just gonna tell you in advance that i would appreciate it greatly if you would all post the following in the comments. you can even go a little crazy and adlib, if you like. but i'd really, really like it if it had the same flavor. and then go get your friends to do the same. it would really make me feel better. much better.

"oh, you poor woman. you should just have yourself a good cry. let it all out. he is a bad, bad man. as a matter of fact, he's just awful! oh, and i must say, you're lookin' good, girl! have you lost weight?"

okay, so on with it. the man has taken himself off to ulaanbaatar, mongolia. and gone dark. i haven't heard from him since friday. and he was at his hotel at the time. and he was getting ready to go to dinner. and he said, "i'll skype you after dinner." well, he still must be eating. so i googled the hotel and discovered that they do indeed have free dsl. and i called the hotel, so i know they have a phone system. but there was one thing they didn't have - a reservation for the man. now, i'm sure if something awful had happened to him i would have heard, right? i mean by now, surely i would have heard something. but so far, nada. so i'm assuming he's alright. and thank God nothing bad has happened here since i have absolutely no way to reach him. his sim card doesn't work for his cell. and the real problem in all of this - i have no friends here. i have no one here i can call because i'm having a bad day or because i want to have a conversation with someone who doesn't call me mom. and don't say get out there. do something. this post is not about what i can do or should do... it's about feeling sorry for me - because it's all about me. and just in case you don't feel bad for me just yet, remember, we don't have tv, i mean, we have tv, but we have no satellite, none. and hulu is only available in the states.

that hurts

2008-03-14T09:56:00.000+07:00

i am addicted
to sharing it all with blog
don't be embarrased

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

him: "you know your mom blogged about our conversation the other day?"

her: "she did? why'd she do that?"

him: "sweetheart, your mother blogs about everything, nothing is sacred."

her: "you need to stop talking to her, daddy."

how do we get this thing home?

2008-03-14T09:50:00.002+07:00

i dropped #2 and the man off at the airport right after dropping the boys off at school. i hung around until they were checked in for their flight - i wanted to be sure the flight plans took - and then they were gone.

mom, that pics for you. that's the size of plane they fly between bangkok and chiang mai.

i'm slightly jealous because i know that this will be a trip a11 will remember forever, but those are good memories to have with her daddy. they get to bangkok and head straight to the harp ~~center~~ centre, getting there about noon.

and now we come to another part of the trip i was responsible for - finding out the hours of operation for the harp ~~center~~ centre. and i did, the hours are wed - sat 10a - 7p. they got there at noon on wed. should have been fine.

that's a pic of #2 staring at the locked door. because it's closed, as in not open. which the gentleman who came around from the side communicated to them. but he did point them to the harp school. which is right around the corner. and guess what?!? it was closed. luckily, the man has a very keen eye and while peeking in the windows he noticed someone in the school and managed to get their attention. they were able to help. and #2 tried out the harp and was pleased.

and every one agreed she is the best harpist evah. but we knew that already. so they paid for the harp and made arrangements to meet back at the harp store at 5p. allowing the very nice people at the harp ~~center~~ centre to wrap the harp up and get it flight ready, since the plan was to take it as over-sized luggage on the flight home. bh has an appointment to make so they head that way. the appointment goes well and they still have some free time. so it's off to starbucks.

and then to toys r us - you know since they were there and all.

and while at toys r us they happened to come across ken's new friend

why-buy-the-cow-when-you-can-get-the-milk-for-free barbie.

thankfully, they did not bring her home. i mean we do have a teen boy in the house.

then they returned to the harp ~~center~~ centre. where the harp and their ride were ready and waiting for them. there was just one itty bitty problem. the harp people weren't convinced that the airlines would allow the harp to be carried on as over-sized luggage. so they called the airlines. much speaking of thai happened and eventually they were sent on their way - with the harp.

hmmm... perhaps the size of that box was the cause of the concern about taking it as over-sized luggage. these two nice gentleman load the harp, #2 and the man and head to suvarnabhumi airport. once their they discover that it's a no go, it's too close to the flight time. so much rearranging is done and another flight is scheduled, but it's at don mueang airport - which is not so conveniently located on the other side of town. so, it's back in the van for a ~~not so very~~ quick jaunt across town. they are arrive with plenty of time. get the harp unloaded and now it's time for security. where a valiant effort is made to put the box containing the harp through the baggage x-ray machine.

but surprise, surprise it doesn't fit. the only option is to open the box and look for bombs. but what they find in the box is, well, they aren't really sure. so they call for back up. and end up with 11 security people - and #2 - all standing around the open box peering in at a well packed harp. and it must have passed muster because they send it off into the special holding area for things they-aren't-really-quite-sure-exactly-what-they-are-but-have-been- deemed-safe-for-flight.

and now we come to my last responsibility picking up the man, #2 and the harp from the airport. #3, #1 and i get to the airport right on time and manage to get the best parking spot at the airport. we go in to wait. the flight is delayed. now, no one has communicated anything to me, so we're there to pick them up at their original flight time. and just about the time the plane should be landing the phone rings - it's #2. she says they're at a restaurant. at the airport. in bangkok. i'm pretty sure she's joshing so i ask to speak to her father. and he confirms that they are, in fact, at a restaurant. at the airport. in bangkok. we talk, figure out the harp won't fit in our car anyway - someone might have suggested that days ago - and decide a taxi cab minivan is the way for them to go. i stop and make arrangements for the cab at the cab stand and head home with the boys. at 11p i get a phone call from the man - no taxi, no hope of a taxi. but one of the guys who works at the airport happens to drive a song theauw and is more than happy to give them a ride home. for a price, of course. so into the song theauw they go and by now it's late. and they're tired.

once they are home it is imperative that the harp is unpacked, to check for damage.

and just how big was that box?

huge.

#2's harp teacher came by this evening to tune the harp for us and set up a time for lessons. have i mentioned that her teacher plays for the queen? how cool is that?

a little harpy

2008-03-13T09:43:00.001+07:00

i'll post all about harp shopping when i'm not so tired. but for now, here's a couple of pics from bangkok.

auditioning the harp

posing at the central world mall

how he loves his diagrams

2008-03-11T09:40:00.002+07:00

the man went to pick up the kids from school for me. this is usually my ~~chore~~ favorite thing to do, but yesterday i just wasn't feeling like it. and turned out it was his lucky day.

in #2's class they are studying decades. they are broken up into small groups and each group has a different decade. #2's group has the 70's. another group has the 80's. (i love the 80's) and in their report they seem to have including a bit about aids, and homosexuality, and prostitution. and when the man picked up #2 she was just chock full of questions. see these things were just mentioned, not actually discussed, but she had the feeling that everyone else in class knew what they were talking about, everyone but her. so she asked the man a few questions and the man believes in telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth and didn't feel like he could give her a proper answer unless he started at the beginning - with a talk about human anatomy. and for those of us who know and love the man, we know that no serious conversation can happen without a diagram. and because i like to share, i scanned it so we could all see. here it is...

i wish i could tell you after seeing that i felt some relief, but instead what i felt was a growing sense of panic. because i wasn't sure exactly what was included in this diagram and i've got those parts. so i had him explain. and here's the diagram with the explanations...

and after the man explained it to me he said, "maybe you should have a talk with her, too. you know, just to clarify things."

and so you guys don't worry. #2 and i have actually had this talk - but it looked nothing like this. and i'm assuming that's why she didn't recognize it.

chiang mai balloon festival

2008-03-09T09:34:00.001+07:00

we lived in colorado springs for 5 years. and every one of those 5 years we headed out to the annual colorado balloon classic to see the balloon glow. and not one of those years did we actually get to see a glow, each and every time we saw what they called a flame. which means they lit the fires but didn't have the balloons up. and it wasn't enough to keep the kids interested. but this year in chiang mai we saw this...

and this...

and we got to do this*... (since it was dusk, the lighting inside the hot air balloon wasn't all that great making it somewhat difficult to see that we are standing inside the balloon as they fill it with air)

and this*...

and i found the van of my dreams...

and if you can't make out just what makes it all that, look at this...

do i really need room for the kids?

earlier in the evening there were hangliders - but they weren't really hangliders they were something else, i just don't remember what it was they called themselves...

and just so you don't think it was all fun and games, we also were witness to this...

i have no idea what he is doing or why he is doing it, but i do know this clown will not be at any of my kiddos birthday parties - well, if any of them were still young enough to want a clown at their birthday party.

and you may have noticed c13 was conspicuously absent from the days activities. he was off at a birthday party - social butterfly that he is.

*the lovely couple who took our picture in the balloon and then let the kids hang out in the basket for a bit were from england. most of these balloons came from bristol, england. they sent the balloons and the baskets by ship in december preparing for a valentine's event - which is when the international festival was originally to be held. the festival was postponed because of a 100 day mourning period due to the death of the king's sister.

different bad

2008-03-08T09:32:00.000+07:00

where i come from when you're driving down the road and you are trying to switch lanes or make a turn across several lanes of traffic or even make a u-turn it's not uncommon for someone to flash their lights at you. and that flash of headlight has always been - at least to me - goodwill towards fellow man in action. that gentle flash means please turn in front of me, there is plenty of room and if there isn't, well, i don't mind slowing down one bit because the world really is a beautiful place.

it reminds me that people really are good.

they really do want to help.

and they care.

they do.

so picture this, i'm waiting to make a u-turn - cuz you cannot get from point a to point b here without making at least one u-turn - the traffic is somewhat heavy, but i finally get an opening. and this black truck flashes his headlights at me. so naturally, whatever hesitation i might have been feeling evaporated and was replaced with the all to familiar sense of peace and love and everything being right with the world. confidently, i make my u-turn. now, i don't end up in the same lane as this lovely man but all the same i appreciate his generosity. imagine my suprise when a few seconds later (because this guy wasn't really all that close and i didn't need his stinkin' headlight flash to tell me i could go) this guy pulls up beside me and shoots the finger at me, yes, that finger, the naughty finger. and he doesn't just shoot it he waves it all around, crazy like. and he's yelling. and even though my window is up and his window is up i'm pretty sure i can hear what he is saying. cuz he's mad. like rabid dog mad. and he continues this behavior more than a few seconds and has me scared and confused. all sense of normalcy has now been thrown out the window (well, not really, because if i'd been able to throw something out my window he'd've been able to throw something in my window and probably would have.) and this is how i was introduced to the harsh reality that things are different here and not everything is different good some of it is different b.a.d. i have discovered that the headlight flash means something totally different here. it means something more along the lines of stay where you are and don't even think of turning in front of me because i own this lane - this entire lane from here to infinity - and if you do i will make you so sorry you messed with me. no really, that's what it seems to mean here. and my experience with this has left me trusting my fellow driver a ~~little~~ lot less.

i can haz coffee at home

2008-03-06T09:28:00.001+07:00

what a difference a day makes
twenty-four little hours
brought the sun and the flowers
where there used to be rain

~Maria Grever & Stanley Adams

ah, young love. it's here and i'm basking. cuz today, i bought a new friend. a friend with it's very own keeping warm plate. (how many of you have friends with a keeping warm plate? come on, be honest.)

and let me tell you, i know my coffee maker - ask me anything, we have no secrets.

so home i come with my new friend, take her out of the box (do you think coffee makers are hers or hims?), read and follow the instructions. which involve running just water - with no coffee grounds - several times through. and while i'm doing this i get the coffee out and read the instructions on the bag. and discover that as hard as i tried to hide it the other day, i am a wuss. this bag of coffee says...

this coffee maker makes 12 cups so that would be 12 tablespoons, not teaspoons, of coffee for one carafe of coffee!! that's crazy. i can't imagine what i might do with that amount of caffeine coursing through my veins. so, i used the i'm-a-wuss algebraic formula and determined that instead of 12 tablespoons of coffee i should use about 3.5 tablespoons. and how'd that work out for me?

good

to the

last drop

actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee. ~alexander king

daddy's girl

2008-02-29T08:37:00.001+07:00

a picture like this
reminds me how blessed she is
to be daddy's girl

#3 has a bbf

2008-02-26T08:33:00.000+07:00

and, yes, i meant to put two bs instead of two fs. cuz this is an extra-special, ~~costs~~ worth way more than your regular ol' run of the mill best friend forever. i'm talking about a bought best friend. yep, the kind of genuine & true best buddy that only baht (that's thai money) can buy. i know, i know, i've heard it before. money can't buy friends, blahdy, blahdy, blah. well today it did and it was good. lately we've all been having a wee bit of a friendship crisis. now, i know we've only been here just over a month and these things take time, but try telling that to friendless children. #1 not included, he's doing pretty good on the friend front. he's got his own crew.

(yep, he's clapping off beat - that's my boy.)

but the other two... #2 isn't even looking anymore because she's certain no one will ever be able to replace her bff and #3 gives us an "i still don't have any friends" report everyday after school. however, yesterday after school he was singing a different tune. he comes running up to the man and me, bbf in tow, and wants to know if he can stay for an hour after school to play with bbf. oh, and can he have 30 baht so he can buy snacks for the both of them... to do this justice i have to relay the actual conversation -

#3 with bbf in tow comes running (almost dancing, but not) up to the man and me and says (in his most excited, please, please, please you gotta let me you can't say no kind of way), "can i stay after school for a whole hour with bbf?"

the man and i respond, "what are you going to do for an hour?"

#3, looking a little panicky like he's pretty sure a no is coming down the pipes says, "oh, i dunno, play on the playground, oh and if you'll give me 30 baht i'm going to buy snacks for bbf and me."

at this point bbf jumps into the conversation, "we'll do our homework, of course and it's okay if you wanna give him 40 baht for our snacks." he ends his contribution with a big ol' eddy haskel kind of smile...

#3, certain that bbf has hit on something, agrees, "yeah, we'll do our homework" and then leans over and says to bbf - in a very loud conspiratorial stage whisper, "i didn't ask for 40 because i don't think they'll give it to me."

the man, a sucker every time, has the 40 baht out before #3 can finish his whisper to bbf. #3 grabs the cash and they're off. the man heads off to pay his parking ticket - a whole other post - allowing #1 time to hang with his crew, #2 time to lament how she has no friends and look at how #1 has friends and #3 now has a friend, when's she gonna have a friend... all the while at least 3 girls from her class come up and try to start a conversation with her, and #3 to buy snacks for his all new bbf...

at dinner, #3, with a very happy smile on his face asks, "do you think i can do that again next week? you know stay after school and play?" and he really, really looks happy.

this doesn't look safe

2008-02-19T08:25:00.000+07:00

but it is most necessary - he's installing our phone line. that's one step closer to our very own internet...

sunday walking street

2008-02-17T08:23:00.000+07:00

*note - any and all similarities between my post, bh's post and thailand girlwonder's post are, of course, due to the fact that we all experienced the same thing, but all ownership of this experience goes to bh, since he's not the one who hid out in the coffee shop.

bh has made it a goal that we try to have at least one cultural exposure every weekend. this weekend was supposed to be the elephant park, but due to a leak in our kitchen and trying to arrange for the handy man it didn't happen. since we hadn't gone to sunday walking street and everyone said we really, really needed to we decided to make that our outing. so we drove to the area of town where it's located and parked. big mistake. it's called sunday walking street for a reason. it's not sunday parking street - which is what we tried to do. when we make it back to the car, really before the time we were told it even begins we were stuck. and i mean s.t.u.c.k. it was bad.

when we initially discovered our problem we walked on by, like we didn't know that car, who would've done something like that. so we walked past it a few times trying to figure out what to do... how could we get out. and just decided we were stuck like chuck. (i'm not sure how stuck chuck was, but it must have been bad.) then we started thinking of all the things that could happen to the car - it could be booted or towed... neither were very appealing, but towing was a little scary. our computers were in the trunk and we couldn't have them towed away, too. so bh - very bravely - went to the car to get them, while i went and hid, pretended to be a tourist, pretended to not know him. when we met up again - 5 or so minutes later - bh had the computers and was a bit distraught. apparently all the vendors around were very upset. gave him an earful. so he sent the kids and me to wawee, very convenient, and headed off to see if there was a way out of this mess. and he has no way to contact me because i left my cell phone at home. our plan is that at a certain time the kids and i will head to a place we both know how to get to and wait for him. so here i sit enjoying this...

and knowing that if i were in his place i wouldn't be able to move the car through the tears of frustration and anger. good man he is.

and he just walked in, with books for me in hand and a smile on his face. all he will tell me is that when he got back to the car a police officer was waiting for him and that now the car has been moved a few streets over. he won't tell me more, says he's gonna blog about it. i guess we can read about it together - here.

jane, stop this crazy thing

2008-01-29T19:37:00.000+07:00

i keep getting asked, “so, how are you really doing?” like i might not be answering the question, “how are you doing?” honestly. the honest to goodness truth is, i’m doing just fine. i’m including a graph to help define “just fine” –

now, i know that doesn’t look so good, looks pretty close to dismal maybe. But it is what it is. you know during the closing credits of the jetsons, when george yells, “jane, stop this crazy thing”? well, i’m pretty sure i know what he’s talking about. it’s not that i want to go home, or that i’m sorry we moved – it’s that it’s just so much, so fast.

i’ve already posted about the delayed flight, flying standby, bh going straight to singapore from bangkok and the kids and me coming on to chiang mai. which was a bit of a rocky start (if you haven’t noticed i have a tendency to minimize things, i learned that in our “are they the right kind of crazy to move to thailand” counseling session). you thought how brave and adventurous i was when we were here without bh – I got us out of the hotel, went to the zoo, the night bizarre, the internet café… well, the truth is, that while we did do those things, and while it may have seemed brave and adventurous, it was really just forward motion. i would have rather stayed holed up in our hotel room and cried. but what good would that have done, other than to further traumatize the kids. and we did spend a few mornings crying over breakfast – some very nice people who were also staying at the hotel were kind enough to check on us, maybe more to be sure the kids would be okay left in my care.

then bh got to town and we had to really think and act like this was our new home. we took care of the kids and school and got moved into our house. i drove a stick shift - on what i consider the wrong side of the road - in the middle of morning rush hour down and around the streets of chiang mai. and that really might go down as one of the most stressful and scariest things i’ve ever done in my entire life. we found furniture, the grocery store, the local market. i’m learning to shop by picture and that there are some places to shop that are more english friendly – not meaning they speak english, but that there is some english on the packages. i’m learning that things take more time. i’ve learned that i’m spoiled. i don’t like hanging clothes to dry or hand washing dishes. it’s not convenient and it takes time and your clothes aren’t really soft. i want furniture – now. i’m glad we have mattresses and a kitchen table and chairs. but i want some place else to sit in the house. i want my mattress off the floor. i want to be comfortable. and i want routine.

i want someone to talk to. i’m a bit of an extrovert. you know barbra streisand's lyric, people, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. that was written for me, about me, i’m one of those people - well, not really feeling the luckiest people in the world part right now. and i got no people here. i mean none that aren’t family and forced to endure me because of their genetic makeup or because they said, “i do.” and not only that, the only other adult in the house is introverted. which - if i understand what an introvert means- it means he’s some kind of freak of nature – you know, like a weird mutation or something. he’s drawn me a graph to show me the difference between extrovert and introvert, i’ve done my best to recreate it.

lets say that the 0 – 7 are representative of how full up of conversation and interaction we are – with 6 being as full as you can get – and the 7 being there because i didn’t know how to make it go away. so, bh spends his entire day, either pretty full or totally full. i, however, start with plenty of space available and it’s not full until i close my eyes to go to sleep – and really, it might not be full then. this doesn’t really do his original diagram justice, but it gives you a good idea. the problems – well really it’s just one big problem – this causes are that he is all happy in his introverted little world, no one wants him to participate in any kind of conversation – it’s good, but then there’s me. sad little no.one.will.talk.to.me me. he tries, God love him. he uses exaggerated hand gestures, makes disturbing faces and he grunts, but those really aren’t ~~good~~ substitutes for conversation. so, i blog, a lot. maybe you noticed. and i check my email every chance i get. but it’s not the same. and the truth is, i want friends, but i hate making them. you know, the awkward small talk, the i’m not sure i’m gonna like this person, the i’m pretty sure they don’t like me. i know i’ve done it before, but once you’ve gotten past that you forget it and it’s like you’ve always been friends. it’s sort of like that mommy amnesia – the one where you forget how much it hurt to sit up in bed after a c-section so you go ahead and have another baby. that’s where i want to be, not having another baby – it took three, but now i remember the pain. i want to get to the you’ve always been friends place.

so, right this moment i would say life sucks. but it’s all part of it. i signed up for this. i know it’s where God wants our family and i know it will all be good. and i know i have a choice. i can move forward, get things done or i can curl up in a ball and cry. one is much easier than the other, but i think i’d miss out on all the ~~misery~~ fun.

not to mention the blog fodder.

asleep at the wheel

2008-01-28T19:36:00.000+07:00

we're driving home the other night and #1 says, "hey, is dad asleep at the wheel? oh wait, dad's not driving."

this wrong side of the car thing has us all screwed up.

a long sunday blog

2008-01-27T19:31:00.001+07:00

yesterday we test drove a car, it was good, bigger than what we are renting right now - but most important it was automatic. no more driving stick! we also made a trip to the store to look for fish sauce, the right fish sauce, the real fish sauce, and while there here's what we found for the kids to do...

and, yes, i did find the fish sauce...

then we test drove the car.

then we went to a ginormous mall, the central airport plaza. here's a picture of just one of the motorcycle parking lots - and it's not the whole lot - at this mall...

michael had to get a new fancy schmancy cell phone for work and chan needed new tennis shoes for pe. tennis shoes that will never, ever touch another surface other than the brand new gym floor at the school. while we were there we found this...

but we didn't have any :(.

then home and to bed.

today, i woke up and decided to get back on the horse... i cooked a thai meal. my confidence was renewed because i had found the fish sauce, and this recipe called for fish sauce. here's how it turned out.

and it was tasty. no one had yogurt.

yesterday evening i went nuts and volunteered for all the volunteer opportunities currently available at the school. thankfully, right now that is only 2 things. one is international day - they group us by our nationality, and i would think i could come in handy - fresh off the boat from america and all. and then they are getting ready to hold parenting with confidence classes. i volunteered to be a hostess - which really means hand out name tags at the school every tuesday evening a for 4 weeks. just glad they weren't looking for a volunteer grounds keeper cuz i would have been all over that...

so, what have we been up to?

2008-01-22T19:22:00.002+07:00

other than learning to drive...

so thursday night we get a text message from the lovely folks at the office here in chiang mai - we had spoken with them earlier in the day about arrangements we needed to make for friday and they had a solution. they arranged for us to rent a car so i could drive #1 to school to meet with the high school advisor and arrange his schedule. meanwhile, they would send a truck to the hotel to pick up the man, a#2, #3 and all our luggage. sounds great? well, after i familiarized myself with a manual, drove around the round about the wrong way, stalled out a few times, i was ready to go - the only thing left was convincing #1 to get in the car with me. once we were off it took us 90 minutes to get to the school; it should have been a 20 minute trip - but we saw some things i hope to be able to find again. then we had to get from the school to our house. luckily, the office manager at CMIS knows just where our moo baan (neighborhood) is. and when we got to the house most of the unpacking had been done!! yeah, the man, #2 & #3! next to do was find something to eat. so we journeyed out - found a super store with a kfc. and look what they had -

and, of course, we had to do some shopping. but it's hard to figure out where to start when you have nothing! so, we started with some basic necessities. dishes, a pot and a pan, silverware. a clothes washer!! saturday and sunday were spent setting up house, finding where to get other furniture. stuff that works for us, but doesn't cost a fortune.

other highlights of the last few days... when you don't inform your credit card company that you've left the country they shut you down. when you make purchases you should remember that you no longer drive a minivan, but are currently renting a small passenger car. if here's what happens if you don't remember... (and don't worry, the kids really could breath and they are all still alive) -

this morning i was highjacked by motorcycle riders and couldn't get into the lane i needed to be in so took the long unknown way to the kids' school. and now i sit in a coffee shop - which is a little weird because it wasn't too long ago that i read about this very coffee shop here - writing this blog, wondering what normal will be like here.

guess what we found?

2008-01-16T19:20:00.001+07:00

an internet cafe... so right now, all four of us are lined up in a row like a momma duck and her baby ducklings enjoying a little bit of www heaven! who knew? of course, every other person in here is a teenage gamer - and not caucasion. we're so not cool. but we're happy and not cool.

and now i have a moment to really write. and another bonus, a lovely woman at the hotel is letting us borrow her adapter/converter. so as we sit here interneting we have a laptop and a nintendo ds charging - talk about a good day.

i received many emails to let us know about the cowboys' loss... #1 took it very hard. his reaction was probably a little cowboys' loss and a lot loss in general. it seems perhaps it's a dallas curse, first the mavericks and now the cowboys looked so promising. well, at least make it a little further than this promising.

and i have to again say thank you to all for helping with our house. you know how when something is done for you that you can never ever pay back - well that is what's happening right now for us. it's very humbling and also makes us feel very loved. so thank you guys.

okay, so now for the juicy stuff. calm down, it's not really all that juicy... i feel like we're in a bit of a holding pattern. not in our house, but in a hotel. not on a vacation, but not really living here, either. i know, i know we are living and we are here - you know what i mean. #2 is all out of sorts, #1 is okay, but not great and #3 is having the time of his life because every morning there is a breakfast buffet. no routine to speak of, other than passed out cold by 8pm. #1 is starting to enjoy thai tv. we watched a show about police officers - i'm pretty sure it was a comedy. and we've also seen a drama(?) about airline crews. no idea what happened, but a good way to pass some time. bh gets in tomorrow. after he arrives we take the kids to the school for testing and while they are testing bh and i go sign on the house. talk about alot of waiting and then a big hurry up and rush.

back to the basics

2008-01-16T19:17:00.002+07:00

no tv - well, that's not really true - we do have thai tv. i watched an entire episode of ghost whisperer dubbed in thai. now, i'm really wishing i had watched that show in the u.s. and internet is limited. yesterday we went to the zoo and the night market. today i want to do nothing. maybe read, nap, walk around the hotel. i'm hoping i can get the kids to agree. of course, #1 just asked what are we going to do today...

like an irish spring commercial

2008-01-15T19:15:00.000+07:00

it's here. the luggage came in late last night. now everyone is fresh - no more stinky boys. i know all around us must be relieved.

today we've visited the zoo - it was a great distraction for the kids and now we are all exhausted!! today seems to be #1's day to be out of sorts. i'm really quite glad they are taking turns, i'm not sure i could handle all of them at once.

thanks everyone for your comments. i appreciate them bunches. it makes my day a little brighter when i get to read them.

and a big thank you also to the wonderful ladies (winey & trish) who are busy sorting out my house. i know it is a ton of work and i can't thank you enough.

stinky doesn't even begin to describe them

2008-01-14T19:12:00.001+07:00

we slept 13 hours last night and are all still a little draggy today. i took the kids to see the house, they all liked it. #3 wanted his own balcony, like a#2 and the man & me, but other than that all is good. they were thrilled with the amenities - swimming pool, tennis courts, badmitton, etc...

the lost luggage is still lost... and we're still waiting. but it's all part of it, right? think pigpen from charlie brown - only without the little squigle stink marks and with a real stink instead. but it is just the boys - #2 and i are great.

i think we're all feeling somewhat overwhelmed. #2 had a small break down at breakfast - i think some of the novelty is wearing off for the kids. or maybe they didn't ever feel it was at all novel. but nothing like a few tears in a hotel restaurant.

we're here

2008-01-13T19:11:00.000+07:00

we made it. we're tired. and when the day comes that we can tell this story as the funniest story ever i'll be sure to include the part where half the luggage doesn't get here. because what could be funnier than two stinky boys with no clean clothes.

a very quick update

2008-01-13T19:09:00.001+07:00

we are in bangkok. at least the kids and i are. the man has just left for singapore. the rest of us are waiting to get to chiang mai, because of our delay we have to fly standby. we will know in the next few moments whether or not we will make this flight. if not, there are others today. right now we’re cranky, tired, smelly and really just ready to be done. one day this will be the funniest of stories.

livin' la vida loca

2008-01-12T19:08:00.000+07:00

so, yesterday, once we woke up and got around, we realized we were hungry. what to do? we looked out of our hotel window and saw what appeared to be the only viable option.

so we started walking, and decided to be brave - to persevere - to walk the dangerous streets of la. and boy were we rewarded.

you know all of those choices had to be hands down better than a 7eleven taquito. and they were.

a little further

2008-01-11T19:05:00.000+07:00

We finally board our flight. 2 hours late. we're on the ground at lax at 8:45 pm. our flight to bangkok on thai airways takes off at 9:30 pm. so we have 45 minutes to taxi in, get off the plane. get to the international terminal and check in. this doesn't happen. and no one really wants to help us. our tickets were purchased through united. (i've flown united twice now and they are batting zero.) after we discover the people at thai airways aren't all that keen on helping us, we head back to united. i won't go into the details, but i did take a picture.

and before you say, "eww, that's so gross, what kind of parents could let s8 sleep on the floor of the lax airport?" you should know i agree it is pretty nasty.

we're set for standby tomorrow night at 9:30p on thai. and as much as i might not be a great big fan of united, they did come through and put us up in a hotel - for two nights. and we're gonna try to sleep and not worry at all about where our luggage might be. the luggage that contains all our clothes and when i say all, i mean all.our.clothes.

so ruth, i'm in your town. not enjoying it and so wanting to be somewhere else. but i'm sure that in any other situation i'd be lovin' it.

times like this are why i created this blog

2008-01-10T19:03:00.002+07:00

we're doing it. right now, we're doing it. all five of us are at the airport, with what we managed to pack. what we didn't we hope someone else will enjoy. we were able to coordinate rides to the airport. one for our suitcases and one for us. and now we sit, and we will continue to sit. when we got to the airport our flight was delayed 20 min., now it's delayed 2 hours. so we sit... and blog, and ~~fight about~~ discuss taking turns on the computers.

and this early in our move i've already missed some great picture opportunities. i missed our house in a pretty serious state of disarray as we left. and i missed us at check in with our 10 ginormous suitcases open for all the world to see while we tried to balance them. and we did, only one was over the 50 pound limit, but the others were so close we had to frugally spread those 7 pounds out. and i missed all 30 of the minutes we spent getting through security. and we weren't waiting to get through we were going through the process of security. we had at least 12 tubs lined up with our various belongings strewn about. tsa people doing bag checks, making sure bh's cpap machine wasn't dangerous, the plastic cases for the wii games looked suspicious, so lots of digging and time and everyone behind us getting a bit impatient. and probably my favorite, when we all take our shoes off we discover #3 has on only one sock and c#1 has on no socks.

but the two hours will be put to good use. i can go ahead and cancel our garbage pick up. call the carpet guys to lay the carpet we ordered and let the realtor know that the clean up might be a little more than expected.

going nowhere fast

2008-01-10T19:03:00.001+07:00

i leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye

2008-01-10T18:59:00.000+07:00

31 and 1/2 hours

2008-01-09T18:58:00.000+07:00

and still lots to do. can’t even begin to be funny.

apparently #2 was holding out for us to be the wrong kind of crazy, because when she asked us if we passed and we said, “yes” she broke down, weeping and gnashing of teeth broke down.

crazy good

2008-01-08T18:54:00.000+07:00

we passed the crazy tests. all four of them.

my night job

2008-01-03T17:43:00.000+07:00

so, bh snores. he snores and he stops breathing while he's sleeping. his doctor recommended him for a sleep study and our insurance, who does everything top notch, sent us a kit. which means, i'm running a sleep lab. bh says i'm not. even though i have been thoroughly trained - i watched a 5 minute video that taught me everything i need to know. and i have proof that i'm running a sleep lab, see...

see the little sleep study computer. it's on our handy, dandy night stand. (since we've sold all of our bedroom furniture, we're sleeping on a mattress on the floor and he must use a small appliance box for his night stand. there was nothing in my training that said this was frowned upon.) he also has the breathing monitor attached right up there under his nose. he has a chest monitor on, too, but it's under the covers. and a finger monitor. all of this is attached to his little wrist unit that is attached to the little sleep study computer. it's all legit. i've got to run this lab for 3 nights. then i pack up all the above listed equipment and send it to my esteemed colleagues who plug the little sleep study computer into a bigger computer to get the results. these guys aren't qualified to run a sleep study lab, only the highly qualified - like me - get to actually work with the patients.

my office is working under a bit of a time crunch. turns out january 10, the patient and his family could be leaving for their new home in a new country on a new continent. yes, i said we could be moving one week from today. if you remember the pictures i posted about our last moving sale - if not, they're here - the condition of our house isn't all that different at this moment. i think that means it's time to get busy.

after school snack

2008-01-02T19:30:00.000+07:00

one of the things that my kids think is pretty cool is the wide array of options for after school snack. when we walk out of the gate of the school this is what we see...

and here are some of their options...

so far my favorite is the tempura green beans.

testing our crazy

2007-12-31T18:52:00.000+07:00

what did i do for my birthday? #2 took me to a movie - her choice. it was all her idea and she paid for it. i was a bit skeptical, thought it might be dumb, but it turned out to be very cute. then came home to a surprise ice cream cake - and since it's colder outside than it is in the freezer it was on the porch to greet me. and what's the best way to have a little cake? like this of course...

and with whom? family and friends, including her...

there really were others, but i didn't take their pictures. only winey's. cuz i was too busy eatin' cake and drinkin' wine. and then the party really started. the man and i sat down and took out our pencils and winey proctored a test for us. cuz that's how we roll on birthdays around here. what test you ask? the mmpi-2. and i know i don't have to tell you what that stands for, but i'll tell you anyway - the minnesota multiphasic personality inventory-2. and any test that starts with answering true or false to "i like mechanics magazines" and ends 567 questions and 90 minutes later with "most married couples don't show much affection for each other" and includes the phrases "make talk" and "my people" - well, you know that's a good time.

i'm getting ready to sit down and take the mbti (myers-briggs type indicator), the version 2000 of the enrich questionaire, and the taylor-johnson temperament analysis. i know - sounds like way too much fun for new year's eve. the man has already done them and after i finish them we send them off to the counseling place and from all of this information they will be able to tell us just what kind of crazy we are - and if it's the right kind of crazy.

i wonder if it will bother them at all that question #59 on the mmpi-2 has a stain. what could possibly be, i mean there's just the slightest chance ever, that it's a very small wine stain? think that will affect our score?

why are we doing this: part deux

2007-12-26T17:37:00.000+07:00

for why are we doing this - the original post - go here.

bh and i have been talking alot about this move the past few days. everyone wants to know about it - so lots of ~~the exact same~~ questions which means lots of ~~the exact same~~ answers. and that's a good thing. it makes us think about it all. this move has caused an amazing amount of stress in our lives. at times it feels impossible. things keep getting thrown at us and it's just so unfair - there seems to be so much unknown information and the last minute hurdles that keep coming our way - how will we ever do this? it's possible we're only three weeks away - we have one last hurdle to clear before we know anything for sure - three weeks that seems impossible.

but the funny thing is while we're scared, overwhelmed and stressed - we don't know everything and there's so much to be done - we feel right about this. we know it's what we're supposed to be doing, we have confidence that we're doing what God wants us to do, and that makes all the other stuff seem so minor. it makes it easier to be excited about this move.

you know what else is interesting about all the people we've talked to? their reactions. who will be dumbfounded and think we've gone off our rockers and who will be over the top supportive? i bet 75% of the time we're wrong in our assumptions about what reaction people will have. we should have figured that one out by now, it's been true from the beginning.

homeward bound

2007-12-20T18:49:00.000+07:00

home
where my thought’s escaping

home
where my music’s playing…

this is it, the last leg. we’re in bangkok for the night. hong kong tomororow morning and then the states. we checked our email when we arrived in bangkok and had some wonderful news – the letters of acceptance for 3 members of our family from the kids’ school. what three members? well, #1, #2 and the man. yep, the man was accepted into grade 3. i’m most proud.

this is confirmation that only one of the adults in our family might possibly be smarter than a fifth grader.

chiang mai - day five

2007-12-19T18:44:00.001+07:00

i did it!

i squatty pottied!

oh, yeah, baby, on one of these. go me, go me, go me. and don't ask for details. just know, i didn't fall in, get wet or make a mess. and i washed my footprints off the sides.

today is sight seeing day.

our first stop was doi suthep. a mountain that over looks chiang mai. the highest altitude of this mountain is 5498 ft. - not quite the altitude at which we currently live. on this mountain we stopped at wat prathat doi suthep, a holy buddhist temple. now, i don't claim to be an expert or anything but i had done a little research about how to behave when visiting a wat - no shorts, no sleeveless shirts, no PDA - and they even have printed on the ticket they give you to get in - no shorts, no sleeveless shirts, no PDA. and probably 2/3 of the other tourists we saw were breaking 2 or more of these simple guidelines. i found that very annoying and i'm not buddhist and i am a tourist. how hard is it to comply with a few simple guidelines?

next up was bhubing palace - the palace the royal family stays at during seasonal visits to the northern part of thailand. the palace and the grounds are beautiful. it looks like the romanticized vision i have when i think of living in thailand.

lunch break - all three of us, the man, me and our driver ate for under $4 american.

then we were supposed to go to a silk factory and ended up at a silk shop. i think maybe it was a communication issue. our driver speaks no english and we speak no thai. and so between the two of us we licked the platter dry... sorry, got carried away.

we did find the bor sang umbrella factory - by far my favorite stop of the day - to see how they make these beautiful umbrellas - all by hand. they turn the handles and the spindles for the top and use a very sharp knife for all the detail work - no special tools, just one really, scary sharp knife. then they finish creating the skeleton of the umbrella, cutting and trimming, again using those sharp knives. the material goes on. they are trimmed and if they have tassels they're added - than all the pieces are put together. next, is the painting. very quickly they paint all sorts of designs on the umbrellas. they are amazingly beautiful. as your walking by they will offer to paint your purse or your clothing. i had an elephant painted on the end of my pants and bh had one painted on his murse. it's very neat.

now we're taking a break at the hotel, waiting for dinner. we're going to khum kantoke later on - the description we've been given is it's cultural dinner and performances.

tomorrow we head to bangkok and again have one night in bangkok. then we head home. we leave bangkok at 8:45 am on friday and arrive home at 12:45 pm the same day. love the time change going that way.

and the most important thing to happen today? it's #2's birthday! happy birthday, #2! we miss you and will see you soon.

chiang mai - day four

2007-12-18T18:42:00.001+07:00

it turns out big ears are believed to be good luck here. we had been told that and it has now been confirmed. oh, and we have also learned that it really isn't rude to call someone fat here, either. the man, was stopped by a man on the sidewalk who grabbed his earlobe, gave it a good rub and then commented - oh, how lucky he must be and this same lovely gentleman asked where we were from and when we said colorado, he said, "oh, big mountain must be good place for big man" and then gestured very widely with his arms. and as good and funny as that is - when he commented on me - it.was.not.funny. at all. so, now added to my to do list - is lose weight. okay, so maybe it's always been on my to do list, but now it's priority a #1. right now i'm thinking that might be easy to do, because it is just too hot to eat - but i know that won't last forever.

so today we saw another house. it was a perfectly fine house, maybe not as big as we would like and it was on the far other side of town as the school, so not the house for us. we also did a bit of window shopping. checking the prices on things to get an idea of what it will cost to set up house - this was very encouraging. next we need to prioritize what we will need first. tv or pots and pans. can you guess which one of us is rooting for what?

chiang mai - day three

2007-12-17T18:40:00.000+07:00

we saw a few more houses today, one that was very cool, but really not quite big enough. but it had an amazing yard and a guard house and a banana tree. pretty neat.

we visited what will be the kids’ school. i liked it very much. and it looks like all three kids will get in – can i get an “amen”.

visiting the school today has been somewhat of a confirmation for me. it’s no longer one of the many unknowns. i guess being there, touring, talking with the director and the admissions person have made it tangible. i keep trying to remind myself that this is maybe the equivalent of a honeymoon period. tell myself that i’m seeing this all basically as a tourist right now. and it will be different once we’re living here. but it feels good to be here. and never in my wildest dreams would i ever have thought i would do something like this – much less be able give this opportunity to my kids. God is good.

chiang mai - day one

2007-12-15T18:37:00.000+07:00

house hunting and the night market

first house hunting. we didn't get off to a great start. i think possibly our realtor had some misconceptions about what we might be looking for because we're americans. but these were small, cookie cutter houses. they felt like something you might find in any city, anywhere. sort of plain, non-descript, not what we had imagined. then she took us to see two that we liked. big enough for our family, every one can have there own bedroom - well, each of the kids can, i still have to share with bh. a nice kitchen and trees. plenty of shade from trees. i miss trees. we meet with the school on monday and will hopefully be able to come up with a time line after that.

the night market is huge. we saw just a fraction of it. i couldn't go anymore - i think the no-sleep situation has caught up with me. but we will go back another evening this week. there is tons of stuff. lots of it is traders village-y, but we did find a few places where things seemed to be made here.

today was a nice day, tomorrow we have nothing planned until after lunch. so i can sleep in.

what time is it?

2007-12-14T18:34:00.000+07:00

hong kong airport: 8:12 pm here – 5:13 am at home.

it has been over 24 hours since i was dropped off at the colorado springs airport and over 23 hours since i boarded the first plane on this journey. i am thrilled that i found free wifi here – especially since i have to blog everyday, darn those holidailies. i’m tired and disoriented – that’s not just a statement, it’s also a disclaimer – it might show in this post.

i have already added a few things i’ve learned to my things i’ve learned about international travel list (did you catch that mom? i said list, and not just list, my list).

when the stewardess says they are empty rows in the back of the plane, don’t be bashful. jump up and claim one – it’s much easier to sleep across 2 seats than it is cramped into one – especially when you’re on an impossibly tiny plane.
middle seats are bad. even when you’re on a plane that might be bigger than the nina, the pinta and the santa maria all together. a window seat would be good. a row seat isn’t too bad – unless you have to constantly let people out. but the best would be a seat at the front of a section. leg room galore.
some asians are american citizens. and some caucasions are not american citizens. imagine. this could be a sign of the sheltered life i’ve lead. and before you ask, yes, i have had many friends who are asian and american. but when waiting in line to board a flight for hong kong, one (okay, I) might have assumed that all the asian people who were waiting in line were citizens of one asian country or another. and brace yourself for this – right here in the hong kong airport, i have come across several caucasions, knew we shared that special we’re american bond, we didn’t even have to say anything it was just there. and then i heard them speak, either in another language or with a heavy accent.

i’m sure this is a list that will keep on growing… hopefully.

so, we left the springs at 6am. as you might have guessed there were some empty rows at the back of the plane – the stewardess offered them up, but being the thoughtful gal that i am, i figured there was some other poor deserving soul who should be allowed the comfort of spreading out. that won’t happen again. no way. get to lax, have to switch airlines and while checking in am offered an amazing deal. $400 cash to wait for the next plane, because the one i was booked on was overweight. i’m willing, but can’t. they can’t get me connected to my flight from bangkok to chiang mai. and i’d already imagined the amazing christmas presents i was going to buy in thailand with an extra $400 – rats. so, i get on the flight from lax to hong kong. i’m tired, hungry (didn’t realize that there would be nowhere to eat once i went through security at lax) and cramped. i have a bad middle seat. the window seat girl could lean towards the window to sleep. the aisle guy could fudge a little over into the aisle. the middle seat girl, me, had to contend with the elbows of the other two. i slept maybe a total of 2 hours. got no knitting done – no room to knit in the middle seat, but did watch 3 in flight movies.

so, here i sit, waiting for my connection to bangkok. hoping there is free wifi at the hotel so i can come back and update. and while i’m sitting here there is a nice group of people sitting next to me talking about me. and while i can’t understand them, i know i’m not being paranoid. they keep pointing at me and motioning to my short sleeves and jacket sitting next to me. because it’s 70 degrees here and humid. and i’m hot. they are not hot, they are wearing coats. and several layers. i tried to explain it was in the teens where i left from yesterday – they didn’t understand. they just keep motioning for me to put my jacket on. they have yet to notice the sweat beads on my forehead.

UPDATE:

spent my one night in bangkok. took forever to get through immigration – and then had to do it all again. discovered that they have a very, very limited use of english here. top of my list is now language school for me. then i narrowly escaped death, even had to yell out to warn the bus driver that we were getting ready to die – then i was kindly, and i’m not saying that sarcastically, informed that these folks drive on the wrong side of the road. and the person i was giving my helpful hints to wasn’t driving, she was a passenger. so, get to the hotel. have no electricity. head down to the front desk, they inform me of the special way you get electricity to work – put your room key card into the slot in the wall and viola – i have electricity. and then i have to go down to the front desk again because the phone isn’t working. or perhaps i just need help hanging it up. then i spend 4 hours sleeping. get up and head back to the airport and only a one hour flight to chiang mai – a window seat, yep, for one hour.

i get off the plane in chiang mai and realize the man and i made no ~~firm~~ plans about how to meet up. and my seat mates on the plane are very worried that i have no idea of what hotel or how to even begin to contact him. but he shows. and we take a very scary, life threatening ride to the hotel. the man says it wasn’t scary, but it was. so i’m here. now i’m gonna take a nap. and then we’re meeting with a realtor.

a journey of a thousand miles...

2007-12-13T18:31:00.000+07:00

...begins impossibly early in the morning.

...begins without a watch.

...begins in an airport, in the u.s. - where the threat level is orange.

...begins on an empty stomach, because i'm too nervous to eat.

...begins without caffeine. (no, really, it does. i wouldn't have thought so, either.)

...begins on a very, very, impossibly small plane (i can see it out the window right now. it's tiny. maybe not, private jet tiny, more of 4 seats to a row tiny.)

...begins right now.

i'm doin' it. i'm sitting here in an airport waiting for a plane. waiting for a plane that will take me to los angeles - where i'll wait for another plane. a plane that will take me to hong kong. where i'll wait again - for a plane that will take me to bangkok. where i thought bh would be meeting me. but, he won't. instead i'll be spending...

wait for it...

it's worth it...

one night in bangkok.

yep. and, of course, i had to look up the lyrics. i'm hoping that maybe this one will be my lyric - "one night in bangkok and the world's your oyster". and not this one - "one night in bangkok makes a hard man humble" - or this one - "one night in bangkok and the tough guys tumble". you know, i sing the song, or rather i hum most of it and then belt out the one night in bangkok part (until just a few moments ago those were the only words i knew. ) it's a fun song to hum/sing. the tune made me think bangkok might be fun. but the lyrics - they scare me. anyway, after my one night in bangkok, it's back to the airport and off to chiang mai. that's where bh will meet me. we have an interview at the kids school. i feel like i should have every moment planned. know what we're doing each day - have something to accomplish. but i don't. wait, i mean we do have plenty to accomplish, it's just i don't know how we go about doing it.

so, now i sit here. in the colorado springs airport. very aware that this is a big moment. change is in the air. and i don't even know how to describe it other than to say it feels big, huge, momentous. not so unlike the night before my scheduled c-sections. you know somewhat scary - but in a good way, scary in an i can't wait to get going kind of way, but know i can't even begin to fathom how my life will change. and it's not just my life. it is the life of 5 of us. what happens to a kid when you pick them up and transplant them to a completely different culture? i can't help but believe they'll be better for it, i'm sure we'll all be better for it.

and so the journey begins. and for those who might be curious - it's not a journey of a thousand miles. it's a journey of eight thousand eighty one miles. wow.

the one where she cracks

2007-11-30T17:27:00.000+07:00

overwhelmed from move

much to do in little time

she has come undone

i'm pretty sure those egg innards don't just represent my brain. right now it feels like it is pretty much all of me ~~pouring~~ leaking out of that shell.

it's gonna happen

2007-11-17T17:23:00.000+07:00

it is official - we are moving to thailand in january. that means lots to do and not much time, but i'm confident it will happen. at least something will happen.

i told the kids last night. i would have liked to have waited until bh was home, but so many other people know and i want them to hear it from us. it was hard. they were sad, confused, angry. probably all the same emotions i would be feeling if i hadn't learned some coping mechanisms, the good kind and the bad. plus, we had a bit of a practice move. we moved from texas to colorado. i know that's nowhere near the same thing as moving to a new country, but it was a bit of a teensy-weensy baby step. we moved away from family and friends. we made new friends. we learned that some relationships could be maintained from a distance and that others couldn't. and i don't have to be told that the cultural differences, the changes to our every day lives were really minimal - especially when compared to what lies ahead. when we made this move our kids were smaller, tb was the most effected - he had to leave his best friend and it was hard. the other two, lb & ff, well they just didn't have those kind of connections, yet. now, they all do. and i'm having difficulty comforting them with any kind of confidence - and because they are kids, they intuitively just know that. they seem to think i'll have all the answers to their questions. they ask, "how often will we get to see our friends here?" i answer, "i don't know." they ask, "where will we live there?" i answer, "i don't know." they ask, "will people come visit us?" and while i probably do know the answer to that one - i still answer, "i don't know." how scary that must be for them, making it all the more difficult to process. the person who should know, the expert in their lives, seems to have absolutely no idea of anything. and it's frustrating for me. because i just want to find the instruction book. the one that has the step by step descriptions of what needs to get done and just how to do it.

i think to many people this seems just so half-baked. we must be off our rocker to pick up our family and move literally 1/2 way around the world. i think there was a part of me that took comfort in the fact that it was still 7 months out - anything can happen in 7 months. don't get me wrong, i was completely committed to moving come july, just that it's alot of time; things change. but now, 7 weeks out, we really do have to start making progress. figuring out how all of this works. getting stuff done.

but underlying all of this - the confusion, the complete and utter sense of inadequacy, the at times overwhelming sadness at what we're leaving behind - there really is a peace. i have absolutely no doubt that this is what we are supposed to be doing. that this is where God wants us. He doesn't always ask us to do easy things and i have a choice to make. i can go through this whole experience kicking and screaming and possibly miss some (or maybe all) of the blessings He has for me. or i can participate, i can say let's do this thing - let's pack up and go 1/2 way around the world - let's see what God has planned. because i believe we can choose to participate in God's plan or not. either way, it's going to happen and when it's all done we can either say, "look what God did in spite of me" or "look what God allowed me to participate in."

chatty cathy

2007-10-22T17:15:00.000+07:00

every once in a while one of my kids will go out of his or her way to make me the proudest momma ever and every once in a while i'll get a ring side seat to ~~endure~~ witness it and when it's an opportunity to make me really, really proud there will be others there as well. it goes something like this. we're invited over to some friends for dinner and another family that we're friends with is also invited. we enjoy a lovely dinner, some good conversation and all and all it's a pleasant evening. between us we have 9 children and 3 of these are teens enjoying the teen privilege of eating with the adults. of course, one of these teens is tb, and it hasn't been too long since he acquired the t in the tb. and it's probably important to note that of these three he's the only boy. okay, i think that's enough set up. oh, almost enough. i forgot one really important thing... and that would be that the friends who invited us over - well, the husband - he's also a pastor at our church. now, i'm ready to tell my tale.

where was i... lovely dinner, pleasant evening, oh and then tb forgets to shut up. i mean he becomes the biggest conversation hog ever. and does he have things to share. i'm not even sure what he's talking about; i'm trying my darndest to tune him out. but i become aware that all ears are on him. so i figure i better start listening too; and he's going on about how they have a word of the day everyday at school and i'm not exactly sure why everyone is paying such close attention to him - i guess they're just trying to be polite; they are awarded greatly for this courtesy, because tb goes on to say, "one day this week, the word of the day was b#$%@rd."* i'm not sure what was said after that, it was like i'd been knocked unconscious for a short while and when i came to it seemed one of my fellow dinner companions had changed the conversation to what we were looking forward to in thailand. tb, who seemed to be totally oblivious to the fact that his mom is sitting right beside him twitching in a most unnatural way, jumps into this conversation with both feet - because he. can't. shut. up. and he lets everyone know that the one thing he really isn't looking forward to is eating elephant penis soup.

*for those of you who are now concerned about the quality of tb's education - his teacher was appalled when i asked him about this word of the day. we're not sure what happened, but an investigation is now underway.

and i do believe tb better pay close attention to what he's served in thailand.

rear window psychology

2007-10-20T20:13:00.001+07:00

i'm not the youngest in my family so i have no idea what it's like to be the last, the baby. i do know a youngest, but i don't think he's a reliable source. from what i remember he was the one who got away with everything and i'm pretty sure my parents thought he was the bomb. so trying to figure out how my youngest thinks and feels isn't all that easy for me and my source for this analysis is a little unorthodox, but i think i'm starting to figure it out. see for the past 6 months, maybe even a year, i think something has been weighing heavy on #3's mind. after consulting ~~the best experts money can buy~~ google i think i have it all figured out. he's not happy as the baby. he wants what #1 has... maybe he even wants to be #1. it's kind of like when jacob stole esau's blessing and since #1 isn't hairy, #3 has found the next best thing. i will now produce exhibit a - and give a little bit of the back story.

here's exhibit a only...

the labels on this picture fit the original post. names have been changed since then. now it would be, the man, me, #1, #2, #3

one day i was out running errands and i glanced into the rear view mirror and noticed something wasn't right with the #1 on the rear window of my car. i figured the sticker was coming apart. slowly, more and more of #1 went missing. enough that friends had begun a #1 watch and they would report to me anytime more of him was gone. i couldn't figure it out. then i caught him - #3 was scraping a small piece of #1 off the window and cackling one of those mad scientist kind of laughs - i was surprised i hadn't figured it out sooner. #3 was slowly trying to blot out #1. peal him out of existence. now, i'm thinking if i was the baby and i knew that was never, ever, going to change maybe i would take some drastic measure. and the audacity of skipping over #2 - of course, i'm pretty sure no one would really choose to be the middle (trust me, i know what i'm talking about) - to go straight for the oldest - what moxie. Perhaps he's been doing a little internet research of his own and found this...

a child's birth order position may be seized by another child if circumstances permit

and this is just the circumstance he needed.

then again, i could be missing it all together and it's not #1's birth right he's after, he just wants the spot next to mom, after all, that spot is the bomb.